Husband-and-wife counselors Brian Grasso and Carrie Campbell on how to get out of your own way and become a change-maker.
Brian Grasso and Carrie Campbell of Brian & Carrie — In the Morning believe the key to living the life of your dreams is getting out of your own way. Through their online show and personal website, the husband-and-wife duo — a former athletic-performance coach and licensed counselor, respectively — are empowering their clients to “eliminate their limits” and leading a community of change-makers to improve their health, wealth, and happiness.
We caught up with them recently to learn more about how their limit-busting mindset can help us all break through barriers in our personal goal-setting.
Experience Life | Much of your work involves encouraging your clients to “eliminate their limits.” What does that mean to you?
Brian Grasso and Carrie Campbell | What it means to us is actually of minor consequence in contrast to what it means to them — and that’s the point. While most “self-help” and “self-growth” processes work under the pretense of “one size fits all,” our priority is to help people understand that “one size fits one” — meaning, people’s limits are personal, individual, and not the least bit related to societal constructs.
Part of the very large problem people face in not being able to sustain the changes they’re making in their lives is that too many of the “solutions” they are offered are based on uniform “problems” that don’t truly exist. It’s not that people can’t lose weight sustainably (for example), it’s that they have an unconscious bias that limits them from doing so permanently. The best exercise and nutrition plan in the world will not work if people don’t actually incorporate it as a fixture into their lives, and what stops them from doing that is the unique and individualized mindset limits they have (for example, if someone “sees” themselves as “fat,” “overweight,” or “unable to keep off the pounds” in their unconscious, they will forever be battling that issue, no matter how hard they train or diet).
Simply put, we all have unconscious limits that hold us back from doing, achieving, or becoming what we want. Until those limits are eliminated, we will be at the mercy of the internal struggle they place on us. We help people become aware and then accountable for those limits, and that’s what allows them to adapt to a new level of success, happiness, self-love, and life fulfilment — no matter what their goals.
EL | How do you think some people can limit themselves when it comes to their health and fitness?
BG & CC | We all have what we call a “Bias Lens.” What that means is that every single piece of data and information that flows from the outside world into us (what we see, experience, etc.) filters through this lens and becomes our “truth.” We don’t see ourselves or the world at large as it is — we see it as we are. There is no absolute truth in the world, necessarily — merely the perspectives we carry, which create our “truth.”
As we mentioned in the answer to your first question, if someone “sees” themselves as fat, overweight, unable to keep the pounds off, unable to commit to an active lifestyle, or unable to avoid junk food, then that is what his or her reality becomes. Our individual Bias Lens is fashioned over the years through the influences we’ve incurred and experiences we’ve had — it starts in childhood and continues through our entire lives. Most people who try adopting an active lifestyle jive with the notion that they chronically seem to “self-sabotage” their own efforts. Why? Because no matter how much they may want to be fit and no matter how hard they try to make it happen, they will always fall into alignment with the unconscious image they have of themselves through their own personal bias lens. That said, it is a very simple thing to correct!
EL | What advice would you offer to someone feeling stuck in a certain area of his or her life, such as career, relationships, family, etc.?
BG & CC | Our process follows something we call “The 4 As”: Acceptance, Awareness, Accountability, and Adaptation. This process helps us change our Bias Lens so that we can completely eliminate the limits that hold us back, which is commonly perceived as feeling “stuck.”
(a) Acceptance: Everything about us and our life is based on our Bias Lens. Meaning, we are what we are right now simply because of choices we’ve made in the past (choices that were made due to the biases we carry). We first must accept that as true. We cannot change something about ourselves or our lives until we truly accept that we have the power to do so. And that power simply means that our lives are all just a “story.” If we want a new life (or parts of our life to change), we merely need to write a new story.
(b) Awareness: Now that we accept life is just a story, what is our story? The simplest way we help people become more aware is based on our thought–feeling interplay. Most people speak to themselves (in their own heads) with more negativity, spite, and anger than they would ever allow someone else to speak to them, but they can go a lifetime without even knowing that. We teach people how to listen to their self-talk. Concurrently, we help draw a line for people that connects what they’re saying to themselves to what they’re feeling emotionally and physically. The human organism is so, so powerful and so able to help us discover more about ourselves — provided we learn how to listen to it all.
(c) Accountability: Once we have a deeper sense of awareness, we move into taking accountability for our lives — wholly. No accountability equals no sustainable change. We are so prone to blaming other people, blaming society, blaming the government, blaming our childhood, blaming everyone and everything. We do not need to “blame” ourselves, but we must decide to take accountability for our own lives. Completely. It may not have been your fault, but it is your problem from here on forward. Take accountability for that!
(d) Adaptation: The first three As move us here — to a brand new perspective on life and Bias Lens. Everything begins to change for the better.
EL | You encourage your clients to join your online community and to consider it their “circle of influence.” What role does this circle play in your clients’ successes?
BG & CC | As mentioned earlier, “influence” plays the largest role in shaping our Bias Lens and, therefore, the perspective we carry about ourselves and life at large. These influences are environmental, social, and geographic, among others. What we have found through the years is that when offered a new and different influence — one that is supportive, nurturing, nourishing, inspiring, uplifting, and inclusive — people grow into becoming the greatest versions of themselves possible. That’s what we provide: a community that is 100 percent inclusive and that serves to connect people so that they can nourish, nurture, and support each other. It makes all the difference.
EL | How do you both make time for fitness and self-care?
BG & CC | We don’t “make time”: We prioritize it. As parents and thought-leaders, we have learned that people (and our kids) respond less to what you say or teach, but they aspire more when they see you act. That’s the key. We are at our best when we are rested, fit, and strong. We are only partially good for our community and our kids when we are tired, unfit, and weak. It really is just a simple perspective shift.
Learn more at www.facebook.com/brianandcarrie.live.