Unedited

Meet the Experience Life team, and get a behind-the-scenes look at how the magazine comes together each month.

Fact-Checking: Tracking the Source

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / May 16, 2013

As the magazine’s chief fact-checker, I get to dig into some fascinating research. Because of the depth and breadth of each story, I plan to spend three to four days on shorter pieces, and up to a week (or more) on our longer feature stories.

That’s just round one. We also fact-check again when our layout pages arrive to verify any new information or subsequent edits that helped further clarify a paragraph or section within the story.

And round three of reviewing the revised pages has me proofreading, but also noting any updates on URLs, titles or stats.

One section that I figure will go quickly, but never really does, is Meditation, the last page of the magazine. Take our June Meditation, which goes live tomorrow, as an example:

The fairest thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science. —Albert Einstein

Jun13_EL_Medi_web

Now, this was what we decided to print after my research lead me to several conflicting statements. There’s even a Wiki page debating the source of various Einstein quotes. NASA blogged about Einstein and included this quote. Several bloggers cited this quote, but others varied the first sentence with “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious,” or “The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious.”

So who’s right? And did Einstein even say this? When, and where can I prove this?

Once a basic Internet search leads me down the rabbit hole, I start looking for attribution. If I can find the quote in a speech with a date and location, I can verify it with other reputable sources. For the Einstein quote above, I kept finding it cited in his essay, “The World As I See It.” When I searched for the essay, it came up on history websites, along with quotation websites. (Note: The narrower and more specific my search, the less results returned by Google, although that’s not a good judge since a misquoted statement can get repeated several times over on blogs, etc., to boost results.)

When I found the essay, I could find the source: Several reports said it was originally published in Forum and Century in 1930; it was included in Ideas and Opinions (Broadway, 1995) using “the beautiful”; The World As I See It was also published as a book, with the new paperback edition boldly proclaiming “The Authorized Albert Einstein Archives Edition” (ooh, that sounds authoritative!); others noted it was taken from his essay, “What I Believe”/”My Credo,” a speech which Einstein wrote in August 1932 for the German League for Human Rights (if you speak German, you can find the recording here); and some surmised that the speech pulled from earlier writing for the F&C piece. But the academic websites were all using “the fairest” vs. “the beautiful.”

The biggest issue: Since this quote was originally spoken in German, any English mention is a translation. Hence why I was finding conflicting reports in the language.

Although the message is essentially the same, my job is to make sure we are accurate, and that’s a challenge when we can’t call up Einstein himself to verify the quote. The search for the source can be a complicated process, but I’m always happily surprised by what I learn along the way. And now I can use “I’ve heard Einstein speak in his native language” as a conversation starter.

A Quest for Ethical Shopping: Down the Bunny Trail

By casielukes / May 14, 2013

“You can recycle your waste, grow your own food and drive a fuel-efficient car. But being socially responsible isn’t so easy when it comes to the clothes on your back.”—Anne D’Innocenzio, The Associated Press

As I write this post, I’m wearing items from the GAP, Banana Republic, Victoria’s Secret, and Target, as well as a pair of free sandals and a ring from a local vendor that I bought on a trip to Ireland. I write this to preface that the journey into ethical, sustainable clothing is something that is new for me. I’m just beginning, but the more I learn, the more pressed I feel to create positive changes in my lifestyle and climb out from under my rock of ignorance.

In my previous post, A Lesson in Money, I touched on the positive outcomes of becoming a better manager of my money. As I’ve been focused on saving and paying debt off, I have not been buying clothes, and have had the opportunity to think about what I’m purchasing, who my money is supporting, and what it’s doing to the environment. I’ve been delving into the types of companies I’d like to purchase items from in the future — when buying clothes is once again an option. This is a topic with a seemingly unending bunny trail: from consumer pocket books to the raw materials that are grown to create clothing to the hands that make them.

On May 2, NPR highlighted the Bangladesh garment factory tragedy in an article titled “Ethical Fashion: Is the Tragedy in Bangladesh a Final Straw?” They touched on the collapse of the factory, the acceleration of style changes, NAFTA, fashionable clothing, and shopping ethically on a budget. On May 8, Time LightBox put out a brief article accompanying a haunting image of two victims in the rubble of the collapse.

In Juliet Schor’s most recent book, Plenitude, she also discusses the fashion industry in the larger context of sustainability, calling it a McFashion world. Consumption of clothing has shifted from durable and versatile wardrobes to indulging in novelty items at cheap prices and frequent design changes, a trend the industry calls FMCGs (fast-moving consumer goods). “The more new pieces consumers purchase, the more used ones they give away. Households have also been putting a larger quantity of apparel into the waste stream. In 2007, textiles made up approximately 4.7 percent of the annual municipal waste stream of 254 million tons, which amounted to 78 pounds of textile discards per person.” (p. 39, Plenitude) Schor also points out that the United States has increased its export of worn clothes to other countries from 316 million pounds in 1991 to 1.1 billion pounds in 2004.

In Anne D’Innocenzio’s Associated Press article, “Shoppers face hurdles in finding ethical clothing,” which was picked up by multiple media outlets, she gave a short overview on the many issues and obstacles people come across when trying to shop more ethically for their clothing and accessories. From the humanistic perspective, her article discusses the building collapse in Bangladesh that “killed hundreds of clothing factoring workers [putting a spotlight] on the sobering fact that the people in poor countries often risk their lives working in unsafe factories to make the cheap T-shirts and underwear that Westerners covet.” Apparently we only covet them for a while, and then dispose of them to move onto the newest item.

At the end of D’Innocenzio’s article, she highlighted American Apparel being a hopeful option: ”Los Angeles-based American Apparel, which says it knits, dyes, cuts and sews all of its products in-house in California, touts on its website that the working conditions are ‘sweatshop free.’ The company highlights how it pays decent wages, offers subsidized lunches, free onsite massages and an onsite medical clinic.” And yet, I recently finished reading Ethical Chic: The Inside Story of the Companies We Think We Love by Fran Hawthorne, which explores the complexities behind ethical production. It covers companies like Tom’s of Maine, Timberland, Starbucks, American Apparel, Trader Joes and Apple. Take, for example, a company that pays their workers a fair wage, with their product being made in the United States, yet its bosses are facing sexual harassment charges from many female workers. The company? American Apparel. Can we really call a company ethical if it meets most standards? I’m not so sure.

I dug a bit deeper this week for some ethical companies with a style I loved. I’m yet to purchase anything (want to pay off my remaining debt first and do a bit more research), but I’ve started my wish list. Because it’s difficult to track each product, I’d like to put a disclaimer here that this is purely off of information on the companies’ websites. That being said, one of my favorite resources for numerous eco-friendly, sustainable brands is StyleWithHeart. You can search by eco-ethical criteria (fair-trade, organic, eco-friendly, ethical, recycled, vintage and DIY), department, boutique and brand. It was here I found the companies Lowie, Maiya, Monkeegenes, and Liv, among many others. Below are a few that are on my radar. Since I found so many I loved, keep posted here, at Unedited, for more of my eco-friendly clothing company picks!

Lowie: Based in London, it started in 2002 with the philosophy to create “beautiful clothing people want to wear as ethically as possible without jeopardizing design.” The company uses soft wools, organic cottons, eco-friendly leathers (with minimal chemicals in the tanning process) and is working toward making sure its products have a low impact on the environment and that the worker-wage is fair. Prices are steep for my budget, but very comparable to Anthropologie’s prices. I found a skirt for 58 lbs. This will be a store I wait on for sales! http://ilovelowie.com/

Image: Lowie Brand

Monkeegenes: Also based in the UK, and started in 2006, I fell in love with this product line immediately. I especially love the owner’s video on the home page, addressing the higher cost of their jeans compared to mainstream brands. “If you go for fast food, you expect what you expect. You get something that’s totally forgettable. If you go for a proper meal, you get something you remember and you tell your friends about it. That’s what I hope you think when you get your pair of Monkeegenes.” The company also impressingly has accreditations from The Soil Association and the Global Organic Textile Standards (GOTS). About 60lbs. for a pair of Skinny Jeans. www.Monkeegenes.co.uk

Image: Monkeegenes Brand

Maiya: Based in the UK, Maiya uses a “wide range of sustainable materials such as natural silk, hemp/silk, organic herringbone weave cotton, fair-trade hand-loomed cotton/wool, fair-trade/organic cotton twill, organic cotton printed with low-impact, organic dyes and vintage/end of roll ‘upcycled’ faric. All fabric is sourced in the UK and use 100% natural and thus fully biodegradable.” The company also re-employs experienced machinists and offers employment/training to those in deprived areas of South Wales, with the goal to create quality products while safeguarding livelihoods and retaining specialist craftsmanship skills. My top pick: The Rachel Dress—Straw 90 lbs. Maiyafashion.co.uk

Image: Maiya Brand

Liv: I love the spring/summer 2013 collection “Ray of Light” because of its classy, fresh, simple look. Based in the UK, Liv uses fair trade through an Indian partner factory and 100-percent organic and fairly traded cotton, supporting human rights and safe working conditions with no child labor. They also meet the standards for The Soil Association and the Global Organic Textile Standards. I love the Island Top (55 lbs) and Drift Dress (75lbs). www.liv-uk.com

Image: Liv Brand

My goal is to be confidently informed about where my materials/products come from. This will likely mean that I’ll spend more on one pair of pants than I have on two in the past, but I’m hoping it will balance out as I purchase less. Despite my love of clothing, and some odd satisfaction of having a closet packed with an array of choices, I’m feeling my priorities begin to shift: The truth that everything has a cost is sinking in. When I look in my closet, do I want to see stacks of clothes that have been easy on my pocket book, made by people that have poor working conditions, and ruin the environment? Or would I rather know those items are helping to support a sustainable, healthy industry and the livelihood of those who crafted them?

Yes, this will be a process, just as learning about what’s in my food and where it comes from has been a process (and continues to be). But I think every little step forward counts.

Resources

http://www.today.com/style/shoppers-face-hurdles-finding-ethical-clothing-6C9690379

http://www.npr.org/2013/05/02/180557959/ethical-fashion-is-the-tragedy-in-bangladesh-a-final-straw

http://lightbox.time.com/2013/05/08/a-final-embrace-the-most-haunting-photograph-from-bangladesh/#1

Schor, J. (2010) Plenitude: The New Economics of True Wealth. New York: The Penguin Press.

Images are from: fruugo.us, liv-uk, ilovelowie.com and charliemary.com.

ESPRIT DE SHE: A Trusty Training Buddy

By Lydia Anderson / May 7, 2013

Meet Lydia Anderson, Experience Life‘s long-time art director. She’s training for her first run in nearly two decades and is starting with an Esprit de She 5K in July! Check back regularly for updates on her training progress.

My goal is to run the 50th and France 5K in Minneapolis on July 25, 2013. The last time I went running was 20 years ago. My daughter was a baby and I would take her in the jogging stroller. Although I live on a horse farm, and get lots of exercise every day, I am motivated to get stronger and have more endurance as I get older.

My running partner these days is one of our Australian Shepherd dogs, Maybelle. She keeps me going, always staying by my side or right in front of me, looking back to check on my progress. Training is painful right now — I can hardly make it to the top of our hill road. Here, Maybelle, waits patiently for me to catch my breath.

Maybelle helps me keep going, even when it’s a bit painful.

“Esprit de She” is a series of posts here on Unedited inspired by the Athleta Esprit de She — The Spirit of Her Race Series presented by Life Time Fitness. Several members of the Experience Life team are planning to train for the various run, cycle, duathlon and triathlon events happening in the Twin Cities throughout the summer and fall, and will be tracking their progress, challenges and successes over the next several months.

Illustration Creation: Loving What Is

By Stephanie Glaros / May 2, 2013

Sketches for the article “Loving What Is.”

As I said in an earlier post, the first thing I decide before commissioning an illustration is whether it should be conceptual, literal, emotional or decorative. Adam Niklewicz is one of my go-to artists for conceptual illustrations, especially when I need a topic stripped down to its essential elements.

For the article “Loving What Is,” I needed an image to convey the idea of accepting our lives as they are, rather than what we think they could or should be. In addition to sending him the article, I nudged him in a general direction — as I often do — by tossing out the phrase “staying calm in a chaotic world.” Adam gave me some great sketches that all relate to that idea (above).

We loved the one with the guy under the umbrella, and only asked that Adam change the figure so that he is reaching his hand out, to indicate that he is evaluating the situation (below left). The final art (below right) had just the optimistic tone we were looking for.

Thanks to Adam for providing us with another lovely image!

Revised sketch and final art for the article “Loving What Is.”

Behind the Scenes: Yoga 4 You

By Stephanie Glaros / April 30, 2013

Makeup and hair stylist Natalie Hale uses a steamer on the yogis’ wardrobe.
Yogi model Martha Williams warms up before her portion of the shoot.
Martha finds her balance in Dancer’s Pose while photographer Bob McNamara shoots.
Natalie gets yogi model Carlton Morris camera-ready with some light makeup.
Carlton adjusts his Warrior II pose.
Art director Lydia Anderson and Carlton discuss his photos.
Natalie does yogi model Jan Johnson’s makeup.
Natalie’s tools of the trade.
Lydia and Bob review Jan’s photos, while Natalie readjusts a lock of Jan’s hair.
Photos of Jan, ready for review.
Yogi model Matt Portwood warms up with some handstands before his shoot.
Matt demonstrates his yoga skills with a challenging arm balance.
Natalie adjusts Matt’s shirt to smooth out the wrinkles.
Matt stays in a challenging foot-behind-the-head pose as he reviews one of his photos.

Since joining the Experience Life staff just over a year ago, I’ve been introduced to lots of new ideas, many of which have worked their way into my daily life in terms of what I eat, how and when I exercise, and trying to live mindfully. But none of my new habits have affected me as much as yoga. And my journey started at the photo shoot for the “Yoga 4 You” article in our April 2013 issue.

Watching our yogi models through my camera lens gave me insight into the way yoga transforms us. I noticed not only the physical strength and grace they each possessed, but also their calm demeanors. The common denominator between them, obviously, is their yoga practice, so I made a New Year’s commitment to take one yoga class per week. I started with Jan Johnson‘s Monday Vinyasa Flow class, which my co-workers Courtney Helgoe and Heidi Wachter already regularly attended.

I was immediately hooked. Jan is an amazing teacher, and Courtney has been super helpful by answering my yoga questions outside of class. My one class per week quickly turned into three to four, as I found myself always needing to know when my next class would be. The LifePower Yoga program has been perfect for me in terms of balancing traditional yoga with physical fitness. I can sweat it out in a Warrior Sculpt class, or really get in touch with myself with Yin/Restorative.

As long as I know I’ll be able to attend a yoga class within a day or two, I feel like I’ll be fine no matter what life throws at me. Every class I take invigorates me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I try to take my yoga practice off the mat and into my daily activities, and because of it, I feel like I’m slowly becoming a calmer, gentler version of myself (I have a few rough edges that could use softening up).

Thanks to all of our yogis, and especially Jan, for guiding me onto the yoga path!

ESPRIT DE SHE: Prepping for My First Post-Baby 5K

By Jamie Martin (@jamielmartin) / April 25, 2013

“Esprit de She” is a new series of posts here on Unedited inspired by the Athleta Esprit de She — The Spirit of Her Race Series presented by Life Time Fitness. Several members of the Experience Life team are planning to train for the various run, cycle, duathlon and triathlon events happening in the Twin Cities throughout the summer and fall, and will be tracking their progress, challenges and successes over the next several months. We hope you enjoy this series.

In my previous posts here on Unedited, I’ve mentioned that I’m blessed to be expecting my second baby girl in early June. I haven’t talked much, however, about how I am just ITCHING to get back to my regular workout routine: three to four days a week of strength training, two to three cardio sessions, and a yoga class or two, if I can squeeze it all in. I love, love, love being active.

I’ve been staying in relatively good shape this pregnancy by doing lots of prenatal yoga (both as a student and teacher), focusing on body-weight strength training (I can still do 20 real pushups!), and walking. Sometimes, though, I just want to run. The other day, for instance, I was out for a walk, and I longed to move a little quicker and breathe a little heavier as I pounded the pavement. Intense low-back and pelvic pain prevented that … and has been a limiting factor in how I’ve moved since about 20 weeks. “You’re walking like you’re pregnant,” came out of my dear husband’s mouth around 24 weeks!

So in preparation for the day my midwife clears me to resume “normal” activities, I just signed up for my comeback event: the Esprit de She 5K Run on September 19, 2013. I CANNOT wait to start training for this event, and to later come together with hundreds of other women who are making their health and fitness a priority amidst crazy professional and personal schedules.

With that in mind, I invite you to follow my training journey here come early to mid-July — depending on when baby girl arrives! I’m sure there will be lots of hiccups along the way as I figure out how to balance two kiddos and a self-care schedule, yet I’m really excited to rise to the challenge.

Proof that I’m actually registered … gotta stay accountable!

Finally, if you’re in the Twin Cities and want to join me and other members of the Experience Life team for this or other Esprit de She races, we’d love to have you — even if you just want to meet up for some shopping and a drink at the post-race night market. Let us know by emailing us at experiencelife@experiencelife.com with the subject line “Esprit de She Party.”

Illustration Creation: Monkey Mind

By Stephanie Glaros / April 18, 2013

Sketches for the article “Monkey Mind.”

There are certain illustrators who I lean on heavily when times are tough (meaning, I have no idea what to do for art). Perhaps the subject of an article is very abstract, or complex, and I need someone who can distill it down to its essence for me. James Yang is one of those artists. I’ve worked with him for many years, and he has pulled me out of a fair number of art dilemmas. He is someone I know I can hand a difficult assignment, and he will come through with flying colors. He makes ME look smart, when really he is the smart one.

The article “Monkey Mind” is about overcoming mental chaos, so I asked James to give me sketches that “represent what Monkey Mind feels like.” He gave me several clever sketches (above left), and I was totally charmed by his monkey characters. My only thought was “I need more monkeys!” So he revised two of his original ideas to include more of the little buggers (above right). The final art (below) does a great job of showing how it feels to be overwhelmed by the various thoughts that are constantly going in and out of our minds. Here’s hoping we can all conquer our own monkey minds and gain focus on what’s important. Thanks to James for helping me out with this illustration!

Final art for the article “Monkey Mind.”

A Lesson in Money

By casielukes / April 16, 2013

Over the last 10 months I’ve been trying to save money and pay back my debts. A chronic spender and lover of clothes, shoes, spas, traveling, movies, restaurants, coffee shops, art projects (OK, I like spending money on many things), this has been a challenge. It’s not only changed what I do with my friends, but how I view consumption in general. I’ve realized through this process that I need less than I think, and shouldn’t connect my worth/looks to new clothing. I’ve also realized that the more I say “no” to something I desperately want to buy, but don’t need, the sooner the intense grasping feeling inside begins to wane.

This process, at its core, has been a detox from material objects and participating in the consumer lifestyle. It’s been about growing up, taking responsibility for what I have, and what I earn, and being grateful. It has by no means been easy, and there are some days the desire to buy something is overwhelming. And though I falter at times, I keep pressing on, the whittling of debt my inspiration as the load slowly becomes lighter.

My approach with each paycheck has been this: Save 10%, give 10% (I use a cash envelope system for this), pay rent, pay car insurance, buy healthy organic local food, treat myself to a coffee or piece of pie or lunch once in awhile, budget for gas, and steadily pay back those I owe money. This leaving about $100 in my account each time.

I don’t charge anything to my credit card unless I know I can immediately go home and pay it off (and this helps accrue free flight points for when I can travel again). I get movies and books from the library, attempt creative outfits with what I already own, make my own coffee, and pack my lunches. I don’t step foot in a clothing store unless I’m feeling strong. In 10 months at $10/hour, I’ve paid most of my debts off (about $4,500) to my credit card, my parents, and my brothers. I have $1,950 to go, interest free.

In all honesty, money stresses me out, and I tend to panic about looking at my bank account. When I’ve tried to track my spending in the past, it’s only lasted a few months before I’ve given up. I’m terrible at adding and often feel inept.

Throughout the process, I’ve skimmed many money books in an attempt to create the basis for my own plan to be a responsible money handler. I’ve taken Dave Ramsey’s approach of cash in envelopes (for saving and giving; the rest of my bills and expenditures are done online), examined my money attitudes and fears through Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez, and Brent Kessel’s It’s Not About the Money. I’ve browsed some of Ruth Hayden’s titles as well. In one of these, I found the sentiment that 80% of how we spend our money is emotional and 20% is management. As I’ve waded through my money fears, attitudes and how these things have manifested in my spending habits, money management has become much less scary, less overwhelming and less frustrating.

As I’m growing in money management, I’ve also discovered I yearn to be a more responsible consumer when that time comes. With my “cease” on spending, I’ve had time to think about where I want my money to go. Which brings me to the other areas I’ve been reading up on: ethical clothing, environmental impact and the “downshifter” lifestyle. Juliet Schor’s books The Overspent American, Plentitude, and Born to Buy have helped me connect with the realities of our culture and incorporate creative ways to find a balance.

You see, spending and money are very intricately linked to lifestyle, relationships, perspective and motivation, which is what makes changing habits so difficult. Extremists like No Impact Man and The Transition Movement have caused me to think about how my consumption affects other people and the environment, as well as tangible solutions I can consider.

And then there’s clothing. I started thinking about the food I buy and the transitions I’ve made in my lifestyle to buy local, organic food. If cheap food comes at a cost (even if we don’t see it), doesn’t cheap clothing come at a cost, too? This is another blog entirely, but I’ve been encouraged by my beginning research to find companies that are ethical and treat their workers well, such as Pure Citizen and People Tree. I’ve also learned there’s an Eco Fashion week in Canada!

So, as Brent Kessel said so well, it’s really not about the money. It’s about using the money as a caveat wisely to buy ethical products (that we love and feel good about using and wearing and don’t enslave others or wreak havoc on the environment!), and create healthy shifts in our lifestyles. It’s about buying less and enjoying more. About examining the idea that just because we can do something, should we? I’ve found that money is not about restricting ourselves, but creating a more holistic, healthy life — for everyone involved in the process.

Behind the Scenes: The Perfect Warm-Up

By Stephanie Glaros / April 11, 2013

Stylist Pam Brand does Alli’s makeup.
All of the wardrobe options for Alli.
Some of Pam’s styling tools.
Alli waits for direction on set. Photographer Bob McNamara uses an iPad to instantly preview shots.
Pam fixing Alli’s hair while she demonstrates the “Quadruped Extension/Rotation.”
The crew looks on as Bob shoots.
Alli demonstrates the “Power Skip.”
Art director Lydia Anderson and former fitness editor Jen Sinkler discuss a shot while photographer Bob McNamara looks on.
Pam fixes Alli’s shirt.
Alli demonstrates the “Supine Bridge With Reach” for the video segment.
Alli takes direction from former fitness editor Jen Sinkler and associate editor Jocelyn Stone.
An iPhone provides another angle for the video.

One of the things I love about our photo shoots is getting to spend the day with all the talented people involved. It’s inspiring to be around folks who are so dedicated to their craft, like photographer Bob McNamara and stylist Pam Brand.

I’m always pleasantly surprised at how likeable our fitness models are, too. Take Alli McKee, for example, who demonstrates the moves in “The Perfect Warm-Up.” One might expect a fitness model to be a bit of a diva, but somehow we manage to find “normal,” nice people like Alli who just happen to also be in awesome shape. Thanks, Alli, for bringing your positive energy to the shoot — I think it really comes through in the final photos.

Super Secret Snacking Behavior

By Jamie Martin (@jamielmartin) / April 4, 2013

I have a confession to make: I’ve once again reverted to eating too much sugar. And I’ve been doing it in secret. For several months. Ugh.

Take Tuesday, for example: As my two-year-old daughter was enjoying her healthy, balanced lunch, I was in the kitchen sneaking bite-size Snickers, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Starburst jelly beans (all of which came in our Easter baskets, which is a whole other blog post — has anyone else noticed how this religious holiday has morphed into a combo of Halloween and Christmas?!?). Forget lunch. I ate candy.

In an attempt to make up for my super secret snacking behavior (which I shall refer to as SSSB from hence forth), I decided to make a healthy dinner: Martha Stewart’s Kale and White Bean Soup. I doctored it up with some red pepper flakes, a bay leaf and various other seasons to give it a bit more flavor. It was delicious and I felt satisfied.

An hour or so later, the sugar cravings came. I had expected them, and had earlier promised myself that I’d have some fruit with Greek yogurt, chia seeds and a drizzle of honey WHEN that happened. It was a well-intentioned plan.

Instead, I found myself reaching into the candy dish and polishing off a bag of jelly beans (not, mind you, the ones that came in our Easter baskets, but the BAG that I had bought at Target the week prior and hidden). I snuck handfuls as I played with my daughter before bedtime and while my husband walked the dog. At one point, MK did ask, “What you eating, Mama? I have some?” so I gave her two or three beans of her own. I know — how generous of me, right?!

Once the bag was gone (and safely buried in the garbage, to hide the evidence), I proceeded to feel physically and mentally ill for the rest of the evening, which is what always happens post-binge. The guilt about what I’d put into my expectant body (did I mention I’m pregnant?), on top of the physical discomfort, always leaves me with with this heavy feeling of shame and disappointment.

We wrote about SSSB as a type of problem-eating pattern in “Tangled Up in Food” back in January/February 2011:

Secretive eating feeds the shame spiral that perpetuates poor eating habits. “Any behavior that takes place in secret tends to go hand-in-hand with shame,” says Michelle May, MD, a board-certified family physician and author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat (Greenleaf Book Group, 2010). “If I eat something ‘bad,’ then I feel guilty, and I feel like a ‘bad’ person for doing it.”

The brain is similarly shackled by joyless eating. Compared with actively savoring food, eating in secret can create stress, which means the release of fewer endorphins, the pleasure chemicals that promote digestion. Endorphins help assimilate nutrients and, ultimately, burn calories. “The chemistry of pleasure is intrinsically designed to fuel metabolism,” says David. “When food comes with a helping of guilt, the nervous system registers only a minimum of pleasurable sensations and we are physiologically driven to eat more. We’re compelled to hunt down the pleasure we never fully receive, even though it’s continually within our grasp.”

Eating furtively easily leads to overeating because it allows you to skirt the emotions at the heart of the issue. Instead of sitting with an uncomfortable situation or emotion, seeking a quick pleasure fix through food becomes a way to change or manage emotions quickly, says May. When the urge strikes to eat behind closed doors, stop and ask yourself what emotion you are trying to escape. “You may think you are overeating ‘just because it tastes good’ or ‘because you lack willpower,’’’ says May, but that’s rarely the case. “The ‘why’ becomes clear only when you explore the feelings that underlie your actions.”

So much of what is written here rings true for me: I’ve been carrying a lot of fear and anxiety over the last few months as we’ve been preparing for the arrival of our second baby. I’m nervous about how I’m going to balance being a good wife and mom with working full-time. Will I be able to do it all? How on earth will ever I love another child like I love my first? How are we going to afford this? How are we going to get all of these projects done before June? Will I be able to get all of these projects at work wrapped up before I go into labor? And the questions and doubts keep coming.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m THRILLED to be having another child. But when I think back to when my SSSB started, it was quite early in my pregnancy, when all of these little niggling thoughts, which have since snowballed, began creeping in. I once again turned to comfort foods from my past to deal with my insecurities.

The good news is, I’m finally addressing my SSSB and holding myself accountable. It’s time to change things up and get real, because let’s be honest, my husband and daughter (soon to be daughters) are going to catch on. I don’t want to be saying one thing and doing the other — my personal food rules can’t and shouldn’t be different than those I set for my family. I need to walk the talk with more integrity, especially when it comes to nutrition.

With that in mind, here are a few strategies I’m putting in place to nip this SSSB in the bud:

Get rid of all the leftover Easter candy, whether I donate it or throw it away. Having that stuff in our home is just too much temptation.
Stop buying sweets and treats known to fuel binges (we don’t keep potato chips in the house, so why would I start buying bags of candy?).
Keep healthy snacks on hand (I just ordered my first Nature Box this morning).
Drink a glass of water when I first have a craving; if I’m still hungry 20–30 minutes later, then have a healthy snack.
Rethink holidays associated with sweets and treats, and share our desire for healthier alternatives with family and friends. An Easter basket doesn’t have to be stocked full of chocolate rabbits and candy.

It feels SO good to finally name this, put it out there and start taking control. Care to join me in tackling a SSSB of your own?

Full Disclosure: I ate a LOT more jelly beans than what’s pictured above.

Photo Credit: http://pixnpix.blogspot.com/2011/04/easter-candy-favorites.html

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