Pumping Irony

Craig Cox, EL’s managing editor and resident geezer, explores the joys and challenges of aging well.

Experience Life Magazine

An Accidental Workout

It’s been a pretty sedentary weekend. Lots of sports on the TV, a couple of good books I’ve been meaning to finish, and a whole lot of workout inertia (it happens . . .). And now here I am on a cold and gray Sunday afternoon, sitting on my rear end and waiting for some divine motivation.

This is something that can happen when you get old and comfortable. You go outside in the chill of the early morning to get the newspaper and quickly convince yourself that it sure would be lovely to settle into a comfy chair with a cup of tea and a cat on your lap and just kind of ignore the cold, cruel realities of the outside world until tomorrow.  Maybe leave your slippers on all day long. Watch a little football. Take it easy.

This is not a conversation that I ever had with myself when I was young. I had the kind of energy surplus that would send me out the door in any weather looking for some kind of adventure — real or imagined. And with a forest full of trails (and secret hideaways) across the street from our suburban homestead and a marshy pond across the nearby highway, there was no end to the possibilities.

You kind of lose that sense of outdoor adventure once you settle into adulthood. Yeah, you can get the gear and join up with some like-minded folks and go rock climbing or cross-country skiing or even snowshoeing, but it’s not the same. It’s not as spontaneous or creative (or dangerous, to be honest) as the stuff we did during long late afternoons as kids.

My Lovely Wife does not do any of the above, but she’s managed to retain something of the same spirit. Today, while I was sitting here ruminating about my lost energy, she bundled herself up, got onto her bike and happily pedaled off into the cold, gray distance. She does this pretty much every day, for no other reason than it makes her happy.

It’s a fascinating process, this thing called motivation. MLW has gone out the door and I’m looking outside at the cold, gray winter, searching for some reason to get up and move, when it occurs to me that I could just go for a little walk. The fresh air will do me good, right? So, I pull on my sneakers and a sweater, grab my jacket and gloves and head outdoors with no real agenda.

On these rare occasions, I’ll typically head east, to the river, but instead I turned south and walked toward Minnehaha Creek. Maybe I’ll see if there’s any water coming over the falls, I thought. Then: Maybe I’ll walk a bit downstream toward the river. Pretty soon, quite surprisingly, I was jogging along the trail. Then climbing up the hill toward some limestone outcropping. Then tossing rocks at a piece of ice floating below the Ford Dam (got it on the third try). Then exploring an ancient concrete structure decorated with graffiti. Then flinging a couple of rocks at the ice covering the meandering creek (they punctured the ice like a dart). Then stepping across the creek atop some not-so-icy stones. You get the idea. I was happily channeling my inner 12-year-old  in a way I hadn’t done in years. Maybe decades.

By the time I had wandered out of the gorge and back home, my jacket was unbuttoned, my gloves were in my pockets and my ears were uncovered. It turned out to be a pretty good, albeit accidental, workout. And I felt about five decades younger.

Experience Life Magazine

The Biggest Step

Just as it does every year around this time, winter arrived last night on the wings of an Alberta clipper and dumped an inch or two of snow on our lovely city. And, just as I do every year when the snow flies, I laced up my boots and pulled on my winter jacket and hoofed it across the bridge to the office, leaving my bicycle to hibernate in the garage.

It’s about a 20-minute walk when the footing is good, just short of 2,000 steps. I counted them coming home this afternoon after I had read about a study by some researchers in Brazil, who found that middle-aged women who take 6,000 or more steps in a day are much healthier than those who move less than that. I live about a mile from work, so that means a healthy middle-aged woman, such as My Lovely Wife, would have to walk about 3 miles every day to hit that mark. And having just walked a mile home from work, it seemed to me that 3 miles in a day would be pretty tough sledding for most folks, MLW included.

But, according to a 2004 study by pedometer researcher Dr. Catrine Tudor-Locke, women on average take 5,210 steps a day — less than a half mile short of the 3-mile goal. That raised a couple of questions for me: 1.) How does one become a pedometer researcher? and 2.) Can you travel 3 miles in a day just wandering around the house or making trips to and from the copying machine at work?

I’m pretty certain MLW does not walk 3 miles a day on her bum knee, because that would not qualify as a prudent exercise regimen. She does, however, bicycle about 3 miles most every day (except when inclement weather, such as today’s, intrudes on her routine), and, for her, that’s a nice little workout. I know that because she always feels better after she’s finished.

It’s easy for anybody who’s on the lookout for fitness advice to stumble upon these sorts of epiphanies (“Six thousand steps? I can do that!”) and attach undue importance to their ability or inability to respond successfully. But what works for some folks won’t work for others, so go ahead and buy yourself that pedometer and see how much ground you cover tomorrow. Or climb on your bicycle (watch out for snowdrifts) and pedal over to your favorite coffee shop. Or just get over to the gym like you’ve always done. The point is to move your body in whatever way is most fun and convenient. That will always be the most important step you can take.

Experience Life Magazine

The Big Sleep

I’ve always thought that a good night’s sleep was the cure for almost anything that might ail you. That’s always been the case for me. In fact, if I don’t get eight hours a night, I pretty quickly fall apart.

That hasn’t been much of a problem, thankfully, even as I roll into my 60s. And that’s been a pleasant surprise, actually, because conventional wisdom has it that the older you get, the harder it is to get a good night’s sleep. The image of the groggy geezer falling asleep while watching the evening news because he was tossing and turning all night is pretty pervasive in our culture. But, according to a recent study by researchers at the University of Pittsburgh, that’s not the case. The vast majority of seniors regularly enjoy almost seven hours of sleep a night.

“Our findings suggest that in matters regarding sleep and sleepiness, as in many other aspects of life, most seniors today are doing better than is generally thought,” said lead author Timothy Monk, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. “The stereotype of most seniors going to bed at 8 p.m., sleeping very lightly and being unduly sleepy during the day may be quite inaccurate.”

The key, says Monk and his colleagues, is to retain your vitality as you grow older. Most sleep-related problems are connected to health issues, not some hardwired yearning for an 8 p.m. bedtime as soon as you hit retirement.

And that makes sense to me. The best night’s sleep for me, at least, always follows a day’s worth of physical activity. So, stay active and stay healthy and you ought to be able to snooze with the best of them — no matter how old you are.

Experience Life Magazine

A Real Lift

Every morning as I pedal over the Mississippi on my way to work I come upon the same grim joggers huffing their way over the bridge and along some circuit that will carry their aching knees and pounding hearts to some imaginary finish line. It doesn’t matter what the temperature is or whether the footing beneath their hundred-dollar running shoes is slick or dry. They’re out there cranking out mile after mile in pursuit of a healthier life.

And good for them, I say to myself as I coast down the hill. Anything that gets you off the couch and moving your body can’t be bad. I just hope they aren’t putting forth all that effort under the false impression that an all-cardio, all-the-time exercise regimen is going to prevent serious health issues.

It used to be gospel that steady-state cardio was the best way to lose weight and boost your overall health, but recent research suggests that strength training is a more effective approach. In fact, a new study out of the University of North Florida argues that lifting weights regularly can actually protect against metabolic syndrome, a collection of risk factors that has been linked to chronic diseases such as heart disease and type 2 diabetes.

More than 34 percent of Americans suffer from metabolic syndrome, but there’s a much lower prevalence of the disease (about 37 percent lower) among those who lift weights, according to the UNF study. That’s basically because strength training builds muscle strength and muscle mass, which help to burn calories more efficiently.

Surprisingly (to me, at least) only about 9 percent of Americans confess to lifting weights on a regular basis. I guess everyone else is either planted on the couch or jogging somewhere. And, hey, I get where they’re coming from. Lots of fitness experts still believe that steady-state cardio is the way to go and, to be perfectly honest, lifting weights can seem like a pretty weird way to spend your time. Hang out among the heavy iron for a while and you’re liable to feel a bit intimidated. I know I did (and still do sometimes), but once you understand the fact that the guy doing bench presses over there hasn’t the least interest in what you’re doing with those dumbbells, you’ll find that there’s no better workout. It gets your heart rate up, builds muscle mass, and improves your proprioception. Plus, it might just save you from having a heart attack.

Experience Life Magazine

Season’s Greetings

I ran into one of my old basketball buddies last week at the co-op, and he reminded me that the gang would be getting together again for another season of hoops in early December. He looked to be in great shape. Of course, he’s at least 10 years younger than me, and he regularly creates embarrassing moments on the court for yours truly. This was all the impetus I needed to get out to the gym last night.

Here’s a little secret for folks who have trouble motivating themselves, gym-wise: Write it down on your calendar just like you would any meeting or social obligation. Then, early in the week, tell your spouse/partner/roommate/drowsy stranger sitting next to you on the bus that you’ve got this gym thing you’re doing later in the week. Last night after dinner, I was wavering a bit on the idea of climbing into the car and driving 20 minutes to bounce a basketball around for a half hour, until My Lovely Wife said, “You’re going to the gym tonight, right?”

I try to set a good example of fitness discipline, so I was pretty much stuck at that point. So I pulled on my sneakers, climbed into the car, drove across town, and spent 40 grueling minutes hoisting jumpers from various angles, mixing in a few layups for good measure. At my age, you don’t have to get into a pickup game in order to work up a good lather, because you’re using a whole lot of muscle groups that tend to get ignored during even the best bodyweight and strength-training routine. Plus, you get to run around — in short bursts, at least — which most of us geezers don’t do very often at all.

In my 20s I could happily spend four or five hours at the gym — between pickup games and just fooling around with the round ball — but I’ve got a bunch of miles on these knees now and they let me know when it’s time to stop. Besides, the shots were falling, for the most part, and you never want to leave your “A” game on the practice court.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty OK, all things considered. So, I figure I’ll schedule another couple of sessions before the season kicks off. Back in my youth, this sort of preparation was accompanied by the idea that I might be able to raise my game a couple of notches. These days, it’s all about avoiding embarrassment.

 

Experience Life Magazine

Let’s Go Crazy!

Neurotics arise! Your various psychological warts may actually make you healthier. That’s the news from University of Rochester Medical Center researchers, who found that folks displaying average to high levels of neuroticism — plus some level of conscientiousness — tend to have lower levels of interleukin 6, a reliable indicator of inflammation and chronic disease.

“Speculation is that healthy neurotics may be hyper-vigilant about their lifestyle and about seeking treatment when a problem arises,” explained the study’s author, Nicholas Turiano, a post-doctoral fellow at URMC, in a statement released by the university. “It’s their conscientiousness that guides their decisions to prevent disease or quickly get treatment when they don’t feel well.”

I think I’m a pretty conscientious guy, and I suppose I’m a bit more vigilant about my health than the average Joe, but I’m not sure I’m ready to embrace my neuroses in a way that would explain my own reasonably decent health. Isn’t it enough to just work out regularly and eat right? Do you also have to be just a little bit crazy to maintain your vitality into your golden years?

Actually, maybe you do. I mean, I have to admit that it always feels a little weird to get up most mornings and spend 20 minutes or so swinging a kettlebell around, hoisting a dumbbell, and cranking out 100 pushups before breakfast. (I wouldn’t want to see that video on YouTube.) I’ve been commuting to work on my bicycle for most of my adult life, and it still feels slightly loopy (especially yesterday morning during our first snowfall of the season). And how many 61-year-olds in full possession of their faculties are still playing basketball?

So maybe Turiano and his colleagues are on to something. Maybe we all need to get a little bit crazy if we’re going to solve our nation’s health crisis. It might just be the only sane approach.

Experience Life Magazine

My New Year’s Resolution

Last week, I committed to running a 5K. On New Year’s Day. At 10 in the morning. In Minneapolis. Outdoors. That’s about six weeks away, so I need to figure out how to go about preparing myself in a way that will drown out that little voice in my head screaming What were you thinking! and result in an outcome that does not include cardiac arrest (along with frostbite).

Currently, I figure I could — if you held a gun to my head — run about a mile and a half, or about 2.5K, before I would beg you to pull the trigger. So I’m going to have to ramp up my endurance over the next 45 days or so. But, where does one start? I’ve known people who have successfully trained and completed marathons, and that takes about six months of pretty brutal training. If I do the math — 26 miles = 180 days of diligent training or about seven days per mile — then that 3-mile run should require about . . .  21 days of preparation.

That timetable certainly allows for an adequate window for procrastination, but at some point between now and, say, the first week of December I’m going to have to overcome a particularly daunting obstacle: namely, my disdain for running without a basketball in my hand. It’s not my favorite activity. It’s not even one of my top 50 favorite activities. In fact, the only activity that would rank lower than running 5 kilometers outdoors on New Year’s Day in Minneapolis is swimming 5 kilometers outdoors on New Year’s Day in Minneapolis — even though the lakes here are quite picturesque.

So, why am I doing this? I’d like to say it’s because I believe you gotta push yourself beyond your comfort zone sometimes in order to make real progress on the fitness front. (And I’m extremely comfortable with the idea of not running 5 kilometers.) But I think it had more to do with a brief, but profound, lapse into lunacy.

The good news is that there are some excellent training programs designed to get an running-averse lunatic like myself amply prepared for the challenge. Here’s one from the Experience Life archives that looked promising — until I noticed it takes 90 days to complete.

I’m a pretty confident guy, though. I figure, even at my advanced age, I can muscle my way through pretty much any major challenge. That’s the power of a well-developed delusion.

 

Experience Life Magazine

No Excuses

Sunday is typically a recovery day for me, and I needed it today, after playing a set of tennis yesterday for the first time in several weeks. My old buddy, The Baseline Machine, invited me to hit the ball around at the indoor courts at Martin Luther King Park over on Nicollet and 40th, and she delivered a pretty convincing smackdown — a 6-4 verdict in barely 45 minutes.

Tennis uses some muscles in different ways than I tend to use them in my normal routine: Lots of bending, twisting and stretching along with short bursts of running, pivoting, backpedaling and swearing. This is all good. Everyone tells me that I should be mixing up my workouts and challenging different muscle groups so I don’t find myself languishing on the dreaded fitness plateau. And it’s easier to mix it up, in my view, if you enjoy a little friendly competition.

The last few times I’ve hit it around with TBM, I came away with at least a draw or a narrow win, but I could tell early on yesterday that she’d been practicing. She took a quick 2-0 lead before I could earn a game and then stretched that lead to 5-2 before dousing my frantic rally with a conclusive 10th game win. I learned at some point that she’d joined a league and had been playing twice a week for the past month or so. Meanwhile, I hadn’t picked up my racket since sometime in early July — something I pointed out to her early in our set. Not as an excuse, you know. Just offering a little context.

But TBM is not the sort to make it easy on a guy — even one who, at 61, is nearly a decade older than she is — so I just had to suck it up and take my beating. I didn’t even mention that my hamstrings were a little tight and I forgot to pack my water bottle and my shoes kept coming untied at untimely moments. She really did outplay me for most of the match, except for maybe that one pivotal game where it appeared that we weren’t completely sure of the score.

Like I say, a little friendly competition can really help your fitness regimen. And I’ll probably be completely recovered — physically and emotionally — by the time we hit the court again in a couple of weeks. It can take a while when you get to be my age.

Experience Life Magazine

Another Silver Bullet

The big health news today seems to be that taking a multivitamin will help geezers like me avoid dying of cancer — or not.

The study earning big headlines followed nearly 15,000 men for 14 years and found that those who took a daily multivitamin “modestly, but significantly, reduced the risk of total cancer.” This should be heartening to anyone hoping to dodge the big C as they coast into their golden years, but when you look more closely at the study’s results you’ll notice that washing down a multivitamin every morning with your orange juice didn’t actually have much of an effect on the incidence of prostate cancer, colorectal cancer or other “site-specific” cancers. Last time I looked, those were pretty much the most deadly cancers guys my age tend to face.

And even if the study showed that my daily multivitamin might have a more positive effect, I’m not the sort to pay much attention. I’ve got nothing against multivitamins; I take one every morning along with a little fish oil. What bugs me is this notion that doing any one thing — whether it’s eating certain foods or taking certain supplements or relying on the latest pharmaceutical miracle — is going to protect you from an untimely illness and an early death.

I suppose we’d all like some sort of tool or technique that would guarantee us good health, but that way of thinking is what has pushed conventional medicine into the awkward position it now finds itself. Everybody wants their doctor or surgeon or pharmacist to “fix” what’s wrong with them — to make them healthy. But to my way of thinking, it’s really up to us. And it shouldn’t be that complicated: Eat a healthy diet, get plenty of exercise, keep an upbeat attitude, cultivate community, and you ought to roll into your twilight years in pretty good shape.

We shouldn’t need any studies to get us moving in that direction, should we?

Experience Life Magazine

Awake With Half a Brain

The last couple of nights I’ve found myself nodding off while reading on the couch — well before 10 p.m. Now that might have something to do with the book I’ve been slogging through (Marshall Berman’s All That Is Solid Melts into Air) or it could mean that I’m not getting enough exercise, but it’s got me thinking that maybe the years are finally catching up to me.

Then I read an article today that explained how dolphins can stay alert and vigilant for up to 15 days at a time without sleep (more specifically, male dolphins up to 5 days; females up to 15 — typical), and I began to wonder whether I shouldn’t take up swimming. I’m a poor swimmer, but I have never fallen asleep while flailing away amid the waves.

But it’s not about the water, according to researchers at the National Marine Mammal Foundation. Dolphins can keep going 24/15 because only half of their brain sleeps at a time.

While this may seem like a novel concept, unique to this remarkable species, I’d argue that most of us wander around most of the time with only half of our brain in gear. And if you’ve been paying any attention to political campaigns this year, you could make a pretty persuasive argument that even that is a charitable estimate. Besides, when it comes to maintaining your vitality over the long haul, your body has to rest every bit as much as your brain.

Which reminds me: It’s getting late. I should be headed to bed.

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