I come from a lineage of women who hardened themselves to survive in a man’s world. My mother was practical. She kept me safe, clean, fed and busy with fun things. I grew up, however, without the feminine exchange I longed for from her. Looking back, I see that I made sure I always had many girlfriends — that’s how I quenched my thirst for the feminine connection I did not get at home.
When I was a teenager, I was painfully self-conscious and focused mostly on my appearance. I held my bangs down in the wind for fear that people would see my forehead, which I judged as too big. I sat on my hands because I was once told I had masculine fingers. I spent hours on my hair and makeup before school. I did whatever it took to look like the models on the magazine covers, wearing foundation, powder, blush, eyeshadow and two pairs of fake eyelashes every day. I helped my girlfriends do the same thing. We were all hiding behind a facade of beauty products, and I often wondered how I would keep my future husband from seeing the real me if I ever got married.
Little did I know, I was developing skills for my future career.
During the summer of 1968, I went through a huge transformation. I was living in the heart of San Francisco and my peers and I began recognizing the hypocrisy of society’s dictates. We searched for new ideas and lifestyles that we could relate to. I threw away all my makeup and beauty products, most of my wardrobe, and anything that was not natural, authentic and honest. I even stopped shaving my legs and underarms.
A few years later, my rebellion softened and I found a happy medium. I realized I could honor my interest in beauty, and still be genuine and natural.
But once I started working with professional models, my self-esteem was confronted once again: I still had heavy negative judgment about my appearance (though it was far from the extreme I went through during puberty). It was difficult to spend days with these girls and feel good about myself, though I definitely enjoyed many aspects of working with a team to create a beautiful image. I knew deep down, however, that there was more to attractiveness than shiny hair and big eyes.
I realized that models did not come through the door looking like they did once we spent hours transforming them. So as I became more familiar with the concept of ideal beauty and worked closely with the girls who the world deemed the most gorgeous, I could see that surface beauty was only fleeting. Once I got to know the models, I could see that they were only attractive when they were happy, kind and loving themselves. I saw they were the most beautiful when they were truly enjoying their lives. I was no longer intimidated by their “package.”
I was a makeup artist for over 25 years, and during that time I married, raised children, traveled the world, and learned more and more about myself. After years of taking myriad transformational workshops, psychology courses, and classes on human nature, I started living my life according to what pleasured me.
And once again I recognized that when a woman is taking joy in her life, she is her most radiant and attractive. Her beauty has nothing to do with the size of her nose, her height or the shape of her body. A woman’s beauty is in her ability to experience pleasure.
So it was not until I was in my 40s that I started discovering all that being a woman is about. When I started living according to what pleasured me, my persona changed. When I started feeling “right” for who I was rather than thinking I had to fix something, or change in some way, others took notice. That is when I was recognized on the street and asked to model at age 49.
Honoring that most innate part of my feminine nature is what makes me most attractive.
I am now 60. I have found that the riches in life are all around me if I allow myself to notice and appreciate them by following my spirit. There is no external place to find what I carry right in side.
I continue to model and have created a pro-age, believable beauty cosmetic line, www.boombycindyjoseph.com.
Aging is really just another word for living. Life continues to be a magical and fascinating adventure. My passion, my feelings, and all that I am are intact and functioning. The concept that aging is becoming less in some way is really the antithesis of what happens. One becomes more and more as life continues.
I am always and forever in the “prime of my life.”
One of the prettiest flowers in my yard it the dandelion…and the world considers those a weed!
But those are the flowers where my children run without fear of lawn chemicals..
Those are the flowers that my sweet children pick in abundant bouquets for me to display in my kitchen window.
I too, once viewed myself through society’s eyes and saw a weed. I doused my body with whatever new chemicals they deemed worthy to eradicate the “aging weed”.
But a true dandelion is tenacious. You can pluck them up, spray them with toxic spray, even plow them under. But, they WILL find a way to rise up and show their happy yellow faces. Nature will teach us, if we let her.
My body, my mind is the sum of all my experiences. I wouldn’t erase any of them. I am a dandelion.
I love your comment. Well said and just beautiful.
Great thoughts, Cindy, ones which I have also pondered. The “herd of society” definitely has a strong draw and it takes courage to pull away. But once we do … FREEDOM!
I had to laugh at the whole non-shaving thing. I questioned that to the point of doing my own research and found that it was merely a response to an early 1900s Harper’s Bazaar magazine photo with the slogan, “Summer Dress and Modern Dancing combine to make necessary the removal of objectionable hair.” More societal pressure. I find it very intriguing how we, as a society, tend to let other people dictate our lives based on what THEY deem as “acceptable.” So I quit shaving and I love it! Soft hair, rather than stubbly, prickly hair. For some, this may seem ghastly, but to my surprise, I’ve found that it actually makes me feel more womanly because this is how God made me … hair and all. Before my grandmother passed away just recently, I asked her about the whole shaving thing. She said she tried it once, but my grandpa didn’t like it because he said it made her legs feel like a beard. Funny!
Hi again, Cindy;
This has absolutely nothing to do with this article, but I have a question for you. My hair is a lot like yours in that it has a lot of natural wave; the length is the same as yours (bra strap length) and, of course, I’m salt and pepper and proud of it! My hair is nearly all one length, but it’s starting to get a little out of control (bushy) and so I’m thinking about getting the layers cut back, but keeping the overall length. I’ve been looking at pictures and video of you, trying to figure out what your hair cut is like. It looks like you’ve got some layering around your face, and maybe throughout the rest of your hair, but I can’t be certain. So many times I’ve looked at photographs when figuring out what to do with my hair, but still had questions about the model’s hair. But now I can actually ask! Totally cool! My grays are a little more course than yours (I remember you telling me in an email years ago that yours come in baby soft – lucky!), but everything else is pretty much the same, so I think I would benefit from having a cut like yours. Any help you can give would be much appreciated. Thank you!
By the way, I’m also a wash and go gal, just like you. I don’t do anything to “tame” my hair, so it ALL has to come from the cut. I put a little jojoba oil in my hair after I wash it – but beyond that, nothing. I like to stay as natural as possible – no chemicals, no heat, etc. My hair stays super healthy that way. Thanks again, Cindy!
I just re-read my first entry and realized that how I said something, didn’t come out quite the way that I meant it. When I said, “I questioned that to the point of doing my own research…,” what I meant to say is that I questioned the reason why women started shaving in the first place. When I re-read my original entry, I realized that I made it sound like I was questioning your “whole non-shaving thing,” Cindy. Quite the contrary. My hat goes off to you for being so brave!
Hello Anonymous,
Just got your emails. Sorry to be sending a delayed response. I have been traveling and have not checked the site.
My hair is mostly one length except for around my face. Tiny bit of layering in the back. Ive tried a few different cuts. I have a small face so layering makes my hair too big. I find when it is one length the weight keeps it down. My hair is very fine as well so it does not get bushy.
I wrote about my flower child days in regard to leg shaving.
I realized to do prefer to keep them hairless, although I have many friends who do not.
What I do not like is that our society holds the idea that women should keep themselves hairless although we have hair just like men.
Nice chatting with you!
Cindy
Hi Cindy,
Thank you so much for the hair tips! That helps me a great deal.
With regard to the whole leg shaving thing, I personally think that your unique position as an activist-type model (pro-age instead of anti-age), requires hairless legs, etc. You have a huge following who are being inspired by your beautiful, long gray hair, etc. However, many of those same people would probably be turned off by your former flower child ways (if you still did that today). I believe that there’s only so far that our society is willing to go and if you were to push it by not shaving, I think you’d lose a lot of people who would otherwise be inspired by you. Hope that makes sense. In a nutshell, I think you are very wise. Besides all that, it’s what you’re comfortable with now and (as I’ve learned from you) that’s what it’s all about. :~)
Keep up the great work! You’ve been my role model for several years now and I just keep learning wonderful nuggets of truth from you, which I pass on to all the women/girls in my life (3 of which are my daughters). I’m a much better person today and more comfortable in my own skin because of you. Thank you!
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