Coming Clean

One woman’s honest quest to clean up her unhealthy life for herself and her family.

Posts Tagged health

Not-So-Fresh Start

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / April 3, 2013

Several titles came to mind as I thought about composing this post: “Oops!” “(Mis)treats” or “Pure Humiliation by Way of Cookie Dough” came to mind. And I thought about it these past few days post-incident as I reviewed pages for our June issue, all about discovery.

On my road to better health, I’ve discovered a lot about myself: I can’t tolerate gluten (it makes be bloated, tired, gassy and sends my stomach into somersaults) and dairy (similar effect as what I get with gluten — my poor GI tract! — and I’ve noticed my skin will break out within a day or two of eating dairy [read more on the link to acne and dairy here]). I don’t dig long-distance running, although a good long walk is lovely, especially with the right company. I love lifting weights. And I won’t be deprived if I skip sugar. Really. It’s not the end of the world.

Sometimes, still, I don’t think before I eat. I’ve been practicing some aspects of mindful eating for a while, and really got on board after my visit to Kripalu, but I still face temptations. I fondly remember the yummy homemade meals Grandma made for Sunday dinners, or the Chinese takeout we’d get as a special treat on Fridays. Some of those choices I’ve been able to alter to healthier options, but some I’ve had to let go of altogether.

But not cookies. Which brings me back to my headline quandary for this post. I wanted April to be, as this issue’s cover states, a Fresh Start. I love a new month, new week, new day for all the possibilities it brings. And now it’s really starting to feel like spring here in Minnesota, so I’ve revved up for another detox (or recalibration, as cover subject and nutritionist Darya Pino Rose, PhD, calls it), which I’ve been fond of doing each spring and fall.

Even though I eat fairly cleanly and simply now, I still have a soft spot for certain indulgences. Making cookies reminds me of my youth, of a time when my younger brother and I would hover over a big silver bowl as Mom turned a wooden spoon filled with flour and eggs and sugar. We’d pour in the chocolate chips, then the butterscotch chips, and before we’d set each mound on the baking tray, we’d “test” out the batch to see if it was acceptable. (It always was, but better take a little bit more to double-check.)

I don’t recall ever getting sick, although I wasn’t as tuned in to my GI tract as an 8-year-old.

So when we passed the prepackaged cookie dough at the store on Saturday, I thought it’d be a great idea to make cookies for Kyle’s Grandma Vi. She’s in her 90s, and loves sweets, so it seemed like an Easter gift she’d enjoy. And I’d only have one cookie, or maybe just a piece of the dough — just like I used to do as a kid, when all felt relatively normal.

I sampled the dough on Saturday night, then fell asleep without issue.

But at 7:30 a.m. on Sunday, I woke up from some strange dreams and rushed to the bathroom to vomit. I won’t say much more about the violent reaction I endured, but it lasted all day and into Monday. It was a sad, gross 36 hours. I missed all of our Easter celebrations, and even had to miss my friend’s birthday party.

While my body took a physical beating, I raged against my own willpower. Why did I eat the cookie dough? Why?! You fool — an April Fool! Shame, shame!
(Note the message on the package below, which I circled. This clearly needed to be in larger font for me.)

Really, I didn’t even want to tell you all. I thought long and hard about it as I recovered. I was embarrassed: Here I am, now down 58 pounds (yes!), armed with all the tools and resources of Experience Life, trained in a new mindset of love for the body I have now and going forward — a love that fuels my choices for nourishing, wholesome food.

But I’m still human. It’s in our nature to want to eat the high-calorie foods that will help us survive, lest a predator chase us from camp and we’d roam the wildness for days without food. (Our instincts are the same, even though food, and “food-like items” or food imposters, are abundant in modern times.) I have a good 30 years of bad habits and confusing messages about health under my belt. There’s still a part of me that hopes for the magic weight-loss pill to appear. I’m a sucker for ease. And I’m sweet on the past, when making and eating cookies didn’t create days of pain and regret.

I’m armed with knowledge now, yes, but sometimes it can be scary. (They spray my food with what?! Genetically modified salmon?! That’s how they make chicken nuggets?! Eeew!) The more I’ve discovered, the more I find myself shopping only in the produce section or finding good farmers at the market to get my meat and eggs. (I wonder if I would’ve become so sick from homemade cookie dough, made with eggs and dairy from farmers I trust, instead of the Big Brand, prepacked preserved mix?)

In some ways I’ve become a better shopper, but in other people’s minds, I may just be picky. But I’m OK with that. We’re not talking about purchasing a clock radio, people: This is the food that fuels my body, which I need to run optimally so I can work and play as I’d like. I’m cool with being picky if it helps me avoid the dramatic scene I faced recently. It’s a terrible event that will haunt me next time I see prepackaged cookie dough — and one that will serve as a reminder to eat well and live well for life.

If you’ve fallen off-track with a healthy-eating plan, don’t despair! And don’t wait to reclaim your health. Take a walk, drink lots of water and eat lots o’ greens. Find more great tips in this post, “What to Do After Eating Badly,” from the folks at Mind Body Green.

September Summary

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / September 30, 2012

In July, I had a thought to post my monthly health reports on the last day of said month, a kind of wins and challenges list. It was item No. 3 of my goals: using monthly check-ins to review what worked and what didn’t.

I haven’t yet shared, so here’s what I’ve learned in July, August and September:

What’s working right now:

Workouts: Boot Camp three times a week — bonus points for the fourth day! — and Pilates once a week. Last week I had a make-up class, so I attended Pilates two days in a row. And we used an ab wheel during our Boot Camp circuit on Thursday, so my abs were sore all weekend. As if I had been in a boxing ring and taken several hits to the stomach. In a good way, of course. I haven’t made it to yoga or dance classes, so I’m shelving those goals for now.
Healthy Eating: Nightly emails to life coach Lauren have kept my focus on mostly yummy, good-for-me foods, but some sweet treats at my birthday celebration and skimpy meals during the week has my diet a bit imbalanced. This past week, I worked to eliminate coffee in preparation to follow Dr. Mark Hyman’s UltraSimple plan with two of my coworkers starting tomorrow. I’m hoping it’ll help me get back to scheduled, healthy meals.
Relationships: The vacation to Colorado a few weeks back was great for Kyle and me to break our usual routine and have quality time to relax and talk. No rushing, no “checking in” between errands, work and appointments. Just time to take in the beauty of nature and dream about the future. And with my birthday on the 12th, I was touched by sweet messages from friends and family. My mom and I visited with my younger cousins and aunt and uncle today, and had dinner with my grandparents. It was nice to connect and gain some wisdom from the three generations.

What’s not working:

Stress: I’m still seeking the perfect harmony for work and life, but I’ve come to realize that much of my work will seep into my life because my job is all about living better. Brainstorming story ideas on the weekends or updating my blog in the evenings is bound to happen — and that’s OK. If I’m skipping leisure time or workouts in favor of working later (as I’ve done before), then I need to reassess and reschedule projects. I have to remind myself that working out can only help me be a better, more productive employee, as we share in this month’s issue of the magazine (see “Work Out, Work Better”). Right now, I can use daily meditation and journaling to manage stress, even if I’m only checking in for five minutes a day. I’ve also been missing my weekly acupuncture sessions, so I’ll add those back in for October.
Overly ambitious scheduling: I have three calendars, one for work, one for projects and one for all other appointments and events pertaining to my life (this one also includes some work meetings). The latter calendar features an “ideal day” calendar, where I:

Rise early to practice yoga and meditate every morning before walking the dog;
Arrive to work before morning meetings to blog;
Break at lunch for spinning or yoga or a walk;
End the daytime hours with a strength-training workout before heading home to…
Make a healthy meal, watch a little TV and…
Read a book and take a bath, before…
Going to bed “early,” which would be 10 pm for me.

I’ll expand more on this above ideal day in another post, but so far, I’ve only been able to complete item 4. Sad. This month I’m going to take active steps to get closer to this vision, but it’s worth reviewing the barriers, perceived or not, in me reaching this dream. More to come on this subject.

While travel was great during the summer and September, it was also a bit dizzying. That’s one of my favorite things about fall: a bit slower pace and time to reflect. I can make some adjustments to my goals and figure out what I’m willing to do — and what I actually can do. Students go back to school, and the rest of us, students of life, can obtain a new education, skill or practice.

Tell me about a goal you’ve had to rework — and how you finally made it happen — in the comments section below, or find me on Twitter: @clewisopdahl.

Sneak Peek

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / June 18, 2012

In two days, our July/August issue will be live at ExperienceLife.com. There are so many great pieces in this issue, but I’m particularly proud to share my own article, “Relax. Retreat. Lose Weight.” Last December I attended the Integrative Weight Loss program at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health, and wrote about my time there for our Head Out department. Here’s a sneak peek of the story:

Over the summer months, I’ll be expanding a bit on some of the great lessons I learned, including cooking tips from Kripalu and my favorite moments in YogaDance. As always, thanks for reading and sharing!

The Brain and the Body

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / June 5, 2012

Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to reorganize and absorb new information by forming new neural pathways. It’s really quite remarkable: Simply by learning a new skill or behavior, the cellular structure of the brain begins to change, and new synapses (the connections between neurons) can develop. Even adjusting your thought patterns can cause the brain to rewire, as scientists at UCLA discovered in patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder. (Meditation has also been found to affect our gray matter; see Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson, PhD, and our archives for more in “Build a Better Brain” and “Upgrade Your Brain.”)

This is over the span of a lifetime, not just in childhood as scientists previously thought. So the times that I’ve thrown up my hands in protest and said, “This is just the way that I am,” was more about my choice to continue a particular behavior versus my ability to change it.

You can exercise your brain with games, reading and learning a new language, for example, just like you exercise the muscles of the body. And exercising your body improves functioning of the brain, in mood, productivity and concentration. It’s all connected, my friends.

Why am I so excited about neuroplasticity? Because the more I learned about the brain, the more enthused I became to take on healthy challenges. Following a new recipe, practicing yoga, accomplishing a box jump at the gym — each new skill stimulated my mind so that I was not only happier and more energized, I started to feel sharper mentally. My emotional responses changed, too: less stressed, more patient and flexible when plans changed.

Take the tool we used in tonight’s workout: the ViPR. It’s a weighted rubber tube with openings for handles. You can swing it during lunges, hold it horizontally during squats, or flip it over as you perform a lateral shuffle, among other exercises. It was my first time using one, and I felt a bit awkward as I flipped the ViPR from side-to-side in my lunges. But I remembered how moves that challenge my balance and coordination improve my body as well as my brain, so I carried on as usual, in a manner to appear like I knew what I was doing. It’ll take some practice, but the benefits in the novelty alone were exciting to consider. (And my obliques were sore the next day, so there’s that.)

What new practice, physical or mental (or both), have you taken up and enjoyed?

A Little Help From My Friends

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / June 1, 2012

Changing my diet has taken great discipline. Not only have I fought my own internal voices of dissent, I’ve heard it from my tribe, too. Sometimes in protest, sometimes in curiosity, other times in what comes across as annoyance. But I made all this cake and you’re not going to have any?! Yes, my refusal to eat a piece of cake has ruined many a party.

Of course, I’m (partly) kidding. When I was first making changes to the way I ate, it was easy to let those comments discourage me. I didn’t want to upset anyone or be a problem for the hostess. I thought that I wouldn’t get invited out to parties or dinners if my friends only saw me as the one that’s on a diet. Even though I could always find something to eat, perhaps they’d just think that I was no fun: I didn’t want to drink alcohol or eat dessert or share the gooey deep-fried appetizer. And what if they all wanted to get pizzas and beer and split the bill? Nothing like food politics and money to cause a rift in friendships!

As much as I wanted to lose weight and get healthy, regularly hearing jokes about how I was brainwashed or that I was now a “picky eater” really hurt my feelings. Other times it was sneers or a rolling of the eyes that would defeat me. Or passive-aggressive comments — “Aren’t you the healthy one?” — in a condescending tone when we’d order food. In going against my tribe, I felt very alone. And weird. And often angry. Even though I was changing, I couldn’t — and didn’t — expect others to modify their eating habits around me. But sitting in front of a dish of, say, lasagna while I ate my grilled fish and steamed veggies became less of an issue. The comments, however, were more difficult to ignore. It was hard enough to resolve to change my behavior. I didn’t need to hear how it affected others.

Unless it was positive feedback, which is what eventually started to happened. My closest girlfriends have been terrific cheerleaders, whether it’s asking questions or asking me to go for a walk. When we get together to eat, they’ve started bringing salads to share with the dressing and ingredients on the side. One of my friends gave up coffee after we talked about how my energy improved when I cut back on caffeine. Another tried acupuncture to help ease the pain of her tennis elbow. Yet another emailed me recently about how she’s been “eating clean” and wanting to swap notes.

It’s exciting to hear how my friends and family are making their lives better, and has been so encouraging for me as I continue toward my goals. (If any of this rings true to you, check out our September 2010 article, “A Healthy Kind of Contagious,” on why our friends’ behaviors — both healthy and unhealthy — have great influence on our own habits. Plus, tips on how to stay strong when faced with adversity. For more on the research, pick up Connected by James Fowler, PhD, and Nicholas Christakis, MD, PhD, MPH.)

Last month, for example, I was touched by a sweet gesture from my friend. I was on a road trip to Madison, Wis., with my friend Jenny for a bridal shower. As a friend, and as a human being, Jenny is simply a delight. Witty, thoughtful, kind and playful, she’s been a great ear as I’ve been making changes to my lifestyle. During the warmer months, she calls me to go on walks. We’ve exchanged salad recipes and our equal love of La Croix sparkling water.

We had planned to arrive in Madison early so we could take in the sights, and were in need of dinner reservations. Knowing my intolerance to both wheat and dairy, Jenny discovered a vegetarian restaurant online that provided multiple healthy entrée options, including dairy-free and gluten-free dishes. Neither of us are vegetarians, but we are adventurous eaters so I shouldn’t have been surprised by her willingness to try an all-vegetarian restaurant. But the fact that she found it on her own, without a prompt from me to find a place with “healthy options,” felt very generous. Maybe she really wanted a burger, but she was happy to try quinoa, mushrooms and tofu for dinner instead.

Words have power, yes, but I’ll give to that old idiom that actions speak louder than words.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the terrific restaurant: The Green Owl on Atwood Avenue. If you’re in the neighborhood, check it out. I enjoyed this baked red pepper stuffed with quinoa and topped with Moroccan tomato sauce, and splurged on a gluten-free beer made by Redbridge.

Yoga Life Lessons

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / February 8, 2012

Two weeks in a row of hot yoga at Life Time Fitness, and I’m already feeling more introspective.

Last week, toward the end of our class, Aleeah’s music playlist started with Baz Luhrmann’s “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)” based on the wise words from Mary Schmich’s 1997 column in the Chicago Tribune. I hadn’t heard it in ages, and if you haven’t either, add it to your meditation mix. There’s some profound statements in there. My two favorite lines:

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.
AND
Enjoy your body — use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Tonight, Aleeah had a great story she shared as we were in frog pose. She pointed out a student near the front of the room as a reference for those needing an example, but was quick to remind us that we shouldn’t compare our pose to the student’s positioning. Then she mentioned an episode of Oprah she once saw when Dr. Phil was a guest. He was sharing all the benefits of yoga and meditation, saying that everyone should be doing yoga as much as they can — everyday, if possible.

During the interview, Dr. Phil showed Oprah downward dog. Oprah asked if one’s heels need to touch the floor when they are positioned in downward dog and Dr. Phil said yes. Aleeah’s response:

“No, Dr. Phil. No. That’s not yoga. If our heels don’t touch the ground, that’s OK. They may never touch the ground. And that’s OK, too. Be where you are right now. That’s yoga.”

It was one of those statements that reminded me to appreciate my body right now, and just be present.

First for Everything

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / February 6, 2012

I love the first of the month about as much as the first of the year. I also love Mondays. Why? Because it feels like a fresh start.

There’s something very human about wanting a fresh start. Everyone makes mistakes, and many of us would rather not. We’re perfectionists, or perceived perfectionists, and some of us prefer to seem infallible. I’ve had several moments in my life where a mistake has devastated me, where I feel almost paralyzed from moving forward in fear of making it worse or repeating the error. But we’re human. We’re children growing up and learning new lessons. And forgiveness — for others, and especially for yourself — is a beautiful gift.

I still struggle with appreciating my mistakes, but I’ve been better at dusting myself off and taking the next steps forward.

Case in point: New Year’s Resolutions.

I try to avoid making them altogether because I feel like it’s too much pressure. And usually I quit my program by late February or early March, which is longer than most: one-third don’t make it past January. But I love, love, love goal-setting and self-improvement, so I make them every year. Of course, I don’t always have the best plan in place, which is usually how I fall off-track so quickly. And sometimes, I’m not truly at the place where I’m ready to change, even though I insist I am. This year, after speaking with life coach Lauren, I really thought of my resolutions as promises to myself. I could adjust as needed, but the steps I was taking to accomplish my goals were nonnegotiable. If I slipped, as I did, I wouldn’t let it stop me from making progress.

Here are my health-and-fitness resolutions I committed to during my recent Dream Body teleseminar:

Participate in Life Time Fitness T.E.A.M. Boot Camp three times per week.
Take a yoga class at least once per week.
Attend a weekly dance class.
Eat “clean” and avoid: gluten, dairy, soda and processed foods.
Communicate about my health goals via my life coach/personal trainer/family or friends/blogging so I feel a sense of accountability.

I’ve missed a few boot camps, once due to a conflicting family event, once when I had a migraine, and once when I just didn’t want to go. (I made a date with the couch instead, but felt a sense of guilt all night long.) I’ve been eating well, but broken the gluten rule one night on a bread binge — the next day I could barely think straight and felt tired, even with a nap. And I’ve been chatting up my friends and family about my health goals, usually coming away with more positivity and motivation.

BUT I didn’t go to yoga or dance in January, so the classes moved to my February list. Last Wednesday, I attended a yoga class at Life Time Fitness. About 10 minutes in, I thought, Man, it’s hot in here! I had made a plan to take the class with one of my fellow boot campers, suggesting that the relaxing Vinyasa 1 class would help us feel more flexible for the following day’s boot camp. After 20 minutes, my body was pouring sweat — this definitely didn’t feel like a Vinyasa 1 class, as I thought I read on the schedule. It was much more vigorous. By the time our instructor, Aleeah, had the yogis move into shoulder stand (Salamba Sarvangasana), I was preeeetty sure I was in a more advanced class. And I was: hot yoga. It’s a class I always wanted to take, and, even though I ended up there by accident, I felt capable and completely calm when the class concluded. Maybe it wasn’t an accident after all.

It’s often our mistakes, whether small or large, that turn out to be the greatest lessons. Don’t fret the stumbling, the gaffes, the blunders along the path to change. I’m using them to guide me in each new day, in each new moment. Yes, there’s always next month, next Monday, but today seems like the best time to make it happen.

Big Dreamer

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / January 17, 2012

This is the season of dreams. If last month was for giving to others, January is the month to give to ourselves. We make resolutions. We change the way we eat. We join a gym. We make a plan for the new year to better ourselves, our relationships and our lives. It’s an exciting time to be in the health and fitness industry — not to mention on my own weight-loss journey — but it’s also a bit maddening.

Case in point: The uptick of marketing weight-loss pills, cure-all diets, and fitness gadgets promoting less work and faster results. (See Jen Sinkler’s “Expert Advice” column for the real deal.) I’m a sucker for these commercials. I’m a busy woman. If there were an easy and safe pill or tool I could use to lose weight, why wouldn’t I want that?! So over the years I’ve acquired a few gizmos: the Thighmaster, a type of “ab rocker,” a mini stair stepper and an ab roller. In my defense, the last two are legit, although the stair stepper broke and no longer has any resistance, thereby making it worthless. Oh well. I have two kettlebells now that give me a much better workout when I’m at home.

There are many out there that profit off our collective naiveté, and they have every right to market. Paula Deen can push her Lady’s Brunch Burger, a hamburger topped with a fried egg and bacon set on a glazed doughnut, around the same time she’s diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, a secret she’s kept for three years, if she so chooses. Like I said, she has every right to market. It doesn’t mean that it’s right. But we all have a choice to eat the food or not eat the food.

Choice, in relation to food, has been a hard concept for me to grasp. And to clarify up front, it doesn’t always exist: Many communities around the U.S. and world still don’t have access to healthy food let alone organic food. But the more advocates and policy busters out there that petition to help neighborhoods survive via a farmers’ market or community garden the better. I could go on about how said food needs to be less expensive, but this isn’t a political diatribe. I’m in a position where I can easily find healthy food, so this is a commentary on my own choices.

When I think about my past food choices, they’ve been poor until recently. My choice is usually to sit on the couch and watch TV versus walking outside or going to the gym. Or in the past I’ve usually chosen to go to the bar with friends instead of joining them in a yoga class. Last fall, when I began my work with Lauren Zander of The Handel Group, I got called out. (Lauren spoke at TED Talk Amsterdam; see her interview below to get a better picture of this very cool and honest woman.) And even though I felt I could improve in several areas of my life (The Handel Group defines 18, which I’ll explain in upcoming blog entries), the main focus for me kept coming back to my body.

The Handel Group’s method focuses on personal integrity, on making and keeping promises. When we started talking about it, I laughed a bit. Of course I keep promises. Don’t I? As we spoke, I realized I make more excuses than promises. And the first promises I break are always with myself.

Think about it. It’s easy to break a promise to yourself to, say, eat right or not go to the gym. You’re not going to get in trouble, so to speak, because you’ll let yourself off the hook. But you keep your promise to meet a friend for coffee, go to work, or attend a family event. All those broken promises to myself had made me worse off, and I realized I maybe wasn’t even able to keep promises to others. Since I wasn’t keeping a promise to myself to do healthy activities and thus be healthy, I felt sick often and missed work, or had little energy to spend with friends and family. Lauren recommended a more intensive route: Dream Body.

Dream Body is a group teleseminar led by a Handel life coach over the course of 4, 8 or 12 weeks. I chose the latter option — I figured I had a lot of work to do.

I recently concluded my work with Dream Body and had a lot of great insights that I’ll be sharing over the next several weeks. Tonight, however, I wanted to focus on the theme of dreams. The core concept of promises and consequences, along with personal integrity, are the roots of the workshop, but the base of the tree is all about the Dream Body statement, one I struggled with all session.

When I first wrote it in October, I kept envisioning my former self, a blend between my svelte 18-year-old and 24-year-old bodies. Then the advertising entered: the Victoria Secret models and the bikini-clad fitness models on women’s magazines. My dream was getting clouded by what others deemed “sexy” or “beautiful,” not what I really wanted. And I needed to be clear about my own goals, and my own thoughts about beauty — because it’s much less narrow than it was years ago.

I started realizing that my “dream body” was first and foremost a healthy body, one that felt and looked strong. It was one that was full of vitality and energy, a body that was flexible and resilient. A powerful immune system. A clear and focused mind. It started to be more about what my body could do than what it looked like. After I spoke with Handel life coach Christine Young, who led the teleseminar, about this new vision for myself, I felt good. The Dream Body statement was different for everyone, but for me, the promise to reach optimal health has been a huge motivator. It’s behind every choice I make every day for my body.

I also keep in mind one of my favorite quotes from this month’s greatest dreamer, motivator, activist and extraordinary man, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.: “The time is always right to do the right thing.” For me, that means the right thing as a citizen, in my work, for my family and for my health. And the right time is always now.

The Purpose of Project Me

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / January 11, 2012

For those of you new to reading my blog, welcome! In some ways, I feel a little new to it myself. I began writing the Coming Clean blog in April 2010 after I started working as a freelance fact-checker for Experience Life. At the time, I was running my own copyediting company, Mixed Bag Media, and proofreading copy for eight different magazines. I had also, unfortunately, put on 65 pounds, exhausted my body so that I was sick once a month, and prioritized work over my relationships with my family and husband. I was pretty miserable — and I take full responsibility for the poor choices I made.

I saw the blog as a way to document my path to better health. Everything I was learning through fact-checking and reading Experience Life was fascinating and completely foreign to me. I thought of weight loss as counting points or calories obsessively or eating “diet food,” and running on a treadmill or some type of hated exercise for an hour or more each day. I thought it was all about calories in and calories out, discipline, restriction, and a bit of emotional abuse. With my weight gain, I thought I was lazy and stupid, I did this to myself, and no matter how I excelled in my career or however pretty I felt at an event, I’d still feel fat, and would assume that’s all others saw as well.

I wanted to right my wrongs, lose weight and have more energy, all while sharing what I learned along the way. But my updates were sporadic, then eventually absent after last May when my grandmother passed away. By the fall, when our dogs, “our girls,” could no longer coexist and we had to find a new home for our basenji, I was pretty depressed. I was working out and doing my best to stay focused on my meal plan and the big picture of improving my health, but I’m not sure if my heart was completely in it.

I know it frustrated my trainer, even if he didn’t admit it, and I’m positive that it frustrated my life coach, Lauren Zander of the Handel Group, well, because she said it. She’s a New Yorker, after all. No beating around the bush. You make these goals but you’re not following through, why? Our conversation would go. And, I need you tell me why you want all this drama in your life. And the more I thought about it, I realized there was so much I needed to understand in my mind. Because this “on a diet” and “off a diet” was simply drama that I created. Would I lose weight or wouldn’t I? It wasn’t about calories and treadmills as much as it was about my commitment — and more than that, my love for my body. And I haven’t been very loving.

So this blog doesn’t really have a category. It’s not a fitness blog, specifically, or a nutrition blog or weight-loss blog. Similar to Experience Life itself, this blog is whole body, whole life, whole mind. Because, even if weight loss is my first goal, it’s so much more than just the weight — and it’s never just about the weight. It’s about my priorities, my work-life balance, my relationships, my home, my clutter, my pets, my vision, my purpose. It’s personal, yes, but I hope it resonates with you, whether you are struggling to get healthy or if you feel you are there and need a friendly reminder of why you continue to make healthy choices every day. I appreciate your support and feedback, good or bad, and hope to start a dialogue in the comments section or via email, Facebook or Twitter.

When we re-branded the magazine in September 2010 and published Pilar Gerasimo’s enlightening essay, “Being Healthy Is a Revolutionary Act” in January 2011, I really felt like our mission was speaking directly to me. It’s about a practice, about making those healthy choices every day even when it’s difficult because of location or busyness or because you’d rather just give in to all those endless excuses you can make.

But it’s so much easier with support, and by finding a community of like-minded individuals that keep you focused, and in the end, keep you happy. So I’m glad you found ours.

Coming Clean

Posts Tagged health

Not-So-Fresh Start

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September Summary

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Sneak Peek

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The Brain and the Body

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The Purpose of Project Me

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