Coming Clean

One woman’s honest quest to clean up her unhealthy life for herself and her family.

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90-Day Challenge: Weeks 5 and 6

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / March 20, 2013

We’re at the halfway mark for Life Time’s 90-Day Challenge, and I’ve run into a few roadblocks. Or, perhaps, I’ve created my own barriers, depending on how I look at it.

So I reached out to my 90-Day Challenge coach, Ryan, and shared how I was feeling. I’ve been continuing my Boot Camp workouts, which meet twice a week, but other than that, I’d didn’t feel I was carving out solid time for focused workouts. I’d do some pushups and burpees in the living room or hold some yoga poses, but I could tell my commitment was flagging. Really, I was more concerned with working on my projects for the magazine than working out for my body.

Ryan suggested incorporating mini breaks throughout my day to stretch and walk around the office. Check — I usually get up fairly frequently to refill my water or make hot tea. He also mentioned carving out 30 minutes for myself to decompress. Double-check — when I get home, Kyle and I share the highlights of our day and visit with the pets. And, of course, I often turned to my TV to watch a show on the DVR (Parks and Recreation is my go-to for consistently funny episodes).

But when Ryan said, for those 30 minutes, I could even do something “as simple as going on a walk,” I paused: How many times have I felt so busy that I can’t even take a walk?! Too many to count! And am I really that busy, or am I just creating obstacles in my head?

I think that the reality is both. Sometimes we are just incredibly busy, and the best thing I can do is forgive myself for not making it the gym or getting in a workout, and allow myself the permission to adjust my schedule. Granted, I can’t keep pushing off my workouts forever, but embracing flexibility has been crucial to this health journey I’m on.

If you read back to last September’s post, I talk a little more about my desire to have a baby in 2009 and discovering my body wasn’t healthy enough to menstruate regularly let alone ovulate and be ready to create a baby. If I didn’t practice patience and provide room for flexibility, I know I would’ve gone mad — whether I had chosen the path of infertility treatments or getting to the root of my health problems, as I did.

When I do give myself that kindness, I start to feel open and willing to get creative with my schedule: kettlebell circuits, yoga DVDs, Jamie Martin’s pushup plan, or a nice long walk with Kyle and Chloe in the brisk March air.

So while I’m still working on progressing during this 90-Day Challenge, which concludes April 30, I’m taking Ryan’s advice to heart: keep it simple. Take a deep breath, stretch and walk around a bit. By challenging my habits and patterns, I feel successful — and that’s what really matters to me most.

Adjusting My Routine

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / February 6, 2013

I had high hopes for January. With all the excitement around Commitment Day and New Year’s Resolutions, I was ready to tackle some new goals — and lose more weight to get closer to my goal range (depending on much muscle I put on/retain, that’s another 36 to 46 pounds to lose).

It’s definitely doable, and now that I feel like I understand how my body works, I think it’ll come a bit easier. On January 1, I set a goal to reach my healthy-weight range by June 1.

But January was a stressful month: I ended up getting sick with a bad cold, I was completing some big projects at work, and we put our house on the market. Between keeping up with work and life demands, I felt frazzled. I was getting in my workouts, but, after being sick, it took me a while to feel like I was really challenging myself. (My acupuncturist told me to listen to my body, and respect my energy levels after my illness, so I did, but maybe was overly cautious for longer than what was needed.)

My trainer’s schedule also changed, so now we’re doing Monday and Wednesday workouts (we were doing Boot Camp classes three to four times a week). This opens a new door for me: I can mix in a few classes like Zumba and yoga and spinning on the days opposite of Boot Camp. And with Boot Camp only twice a week, I don’t think I’ll feel like I’m overdoing it, which was my excuse in the past.

The key is, I actually need to go to these classes and get in my workouts. Where I used to rely on trainer Shane so heavily before, now it’s time for me to step up and create a well-rounded program that works for me.

I thought I’d start by polling you all: What classes have you tried and loved at Life Time Fitness? I’ll add in a bit of cardio and DIY Boot Camp on my own, too, but I do best with assigned times and with the camaraderie of others, so I think a Group Fitness class or two would serve me well. Let me know in the comments below, or Tweet me: @clewisopdahl.

September Summary

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / September 30, 2012

In July, I had a thought to post my monthly health reports on the last day of said month, a kind of wins and challenges list. It was item No. 3 of my goals: using monthly check-ins to review what worked and what didn’t.

I haven’t yet shared, so here’s what I’ve learned in July, August and September:

What’s working right now:

Workouts: Boot Camp three times a week — bonus points for the fourth day! — and Pilates once a week. Last week I had a make-up class, so I attended Pilates two days in a row. And we used an ab wheel during our Boot Camp circuit on Thursday, so my abs were sore all weekend. As if I had been in a boxing ring and taken several hits to the stomach. In a good way, of course. I haven’t made it to yoga or dance classes, so I’m shelving those goals for now.
Healthy Eating: Nightly emails to life coach Lauren have kept my focus on mostly yummy, good-for-me foods, but some sweet treats at my birthday celebration and skimpy meals during the week has my diet a bit imbalanced. This past week, I worked to eliminate coffee in preparation to follow Dr. Mark Hyman’s UltraSimple plan with two of my coworkers starting tomorrow. I’m hoping it’ll help me get back to scheduled, healthy meals.
Relationships: The vacation to Colorado a few weeks back was great for Kyle and me to break our usual routine and have quality time to relax and talk. No rushing, no “checking in” between errands, work and appointments. Just time to take in the beauty of nature and dream about the future. And with my birthday on the 12th, I was touched by sweet messages from friends and family. My mom and I visited with my younger cousins and aunt and uncle today, and had dinner with my grandparents. It was nice to connect and gain some wisdom from the three generations.

What’s not working:

Stress: I’m still seeking the perfect harmony for work and life, but I’ve come to realize that much of my work will seep into my life because my job is all about living better. Brainstorming story ideas on the weekends or updating my blog in the evenings is bound to happen — and that’s OK. If I’m skipping leisure time or workouts in favor of working later (as I’ve done before), then I need to reassess and reschedule projects. I have to remind myself that working out can only help me be a better, more productive employee, as we share in this month’s issue of the magazine (see “Work Out, Work Better”). Right now, I can use daily meditation and journaling to manage stress, even if I’m only checking in for five minutes a day. I’ve also been missing my weekly acupuncture sessions, so I’ll add those back in for October.
Overly ambitious scheduling: I have three calendars, one for work, one for projects and one for all other appointments and events pertaining to my life (this one also includes some work meetings). The latter calendar features an “ideal day” calendar, where I:

Rise early to practice yoga and meditate every morning before walking the dog;
Arrive to work before morning meetings to blog;
Break at lunch for spinning or yoga or a walk;
End the daytime hours with a strength-training workout before heading home to…
Make a healthy meal, watch a little TV and…
Read a book and take a bath, before…
Going to bed “early,” which would be 10 pm for me.

I’ll expand more on this above ideal day in another post, but so far, I’ve only been able to complete item 4. Sad. This month I’m going to take active steps to get closer to this vision, but it’s worth reviewing the barriers, perceived or not, in me reaching this dream. More to come on this subject.

While travel was great during the summer and September, it was also a bit dizzying. That’s one of my favorite things about fall: a bit slower pace and time to reflect. I can make some adjustments to my goals and figure out what I’m willing to do — and what I actually can do. Students go back to school, and the rest of us, students of life, can obtain a new education, skill or practice.

Tell me about a goal you’ve had to rework — and how you finally made it happen — in the comments section below, or find me on Twitter: @clewisopdahl.

The Signs to Slow Down

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / September 1, 2012

I haven’t been a very good blogger. I’m admitting it, and apologizing, both to you and myself. I’m re-committing to regular blogging this fall, and I have a lot to share. Over the two years I’ve been blogging, I’ve learned a lot about myself, some of which I’ve shared and some that I’ve withheld. But I’m promising to be more open and share more often, starting with the most important lesson I’ve struggled to grasp in adulthood.

That lesson being: I can’t do it all. Those men and women who seem to master everything? Good for them! I don’t know how, or even if that’s real. But I’m pretty sure that, at some point, our bodies and/or our world finds a way to tell us to slow down, pace ourselves, and limit our responsibilities. It’s about quality, not quantity, right?

Maybe you’ve felt the warning signs of overscheduling before: you feel a wave of hesitation when the boss asks you take on another project. Or you lose the keys or forget to return a library book or pay a bill — all signs, I take, as my lost sanity because my mind is swimming with projects and deadlines and chores and tasks to complete. I’m rushing and I’m running late, not even close to the role I wish to play of superwoman. I know I’m not alone in this feeling — we feel influenced by American society or the past or next generations or the media’s role in suggesting successful people sleep little and accomplish it all.

Our female cat, Biz.

Over the years, I have become more sensitive to the warning flags. The times when people say they’ve “hit a wall” are (slightly) more obvious to me now. Sometimes I’ve ignored them, usually with steep consequences: In September 2008, I was feeling frazzled. I was working long hours, my house was a mess, and I had a sneaking suspicion that my kitty, Biz, was very sick. She had lost a lot of weight, and was drinking excess amounts of water — the latter leading me to think she had developed diabetes at age 5, which was confirmed after a visit to the vet. As I was driving Biz home from her appointment, we got into an accident and I totaled my car and broke my wrist. Now, I know it’s called “accident” for a reason, but I couldn’t help but think that this was a clear sign that I need to slow down. So I did. For awhile.

Me on our wedding day, September 2006, at 140 lbs.

During my senior year of college, I lost the 36 pounds I had put on during my freshman year, but after I got married in 2006, I had already started to put the weight back on — and then some. After the 2008 accident, I gained the most weight, and by the time a challenged publishing industry forced a round of layoffs at my company in February 2009, I was out of work and exhausted and weighed 208 pounds.

Losing that job was hard because I loved my coworkers so, but the timing was right for me. I needed to take care of myself, but instead I simply kept my focus on work. I started up a copyediting and proofreading LLC, naming it Mixed Bag Media for my skills set (and partially as a play on my mixed race), and got to work. I acquired clients, and in total, contributed to eight different magazines, sometimes working for four publications at one time.

Minnehaha Falls, November 2009, at 208 lbs.

Then, in September 2009, Kyle and I decided the timing was right to have a baby. I stopped the birth control pill, having been a regular user for 12 years, and assumed I would be pregnant within a few months. When I missed my period in November, I took a pregnancy test, which came out negative. And when I didn’t get my period again in December and January, I figured something was wrong.

I went to see my nurse practitioner, who suggested I take a progesterone-only pill to force a period. It worked, but then another 90 days went by without menstruation. When she offered to prescribe the pill again and refer me to an Ob/GYN, I considered it. At the time, I had just started working at Experience Life, and I pondered the bigger picture. Had my weight gain caused this amenorrhea? I was just finishing a three-year term of antidepressants my then-doctor prescribed after an anxiety attack — did the drugs mess with my natural balance? What about all those years of eating processed foods and takeout and trans fats — was my toxic burden too high? My intuitive side was speaking loudly, telling me that my body wasn’t healthy enough for a baby. There were bigger health issues that I had long ignored. I know I could’ve continued with pills and hormones to force my body to correct itself, but I feared that if I missed the chance to remedy my poor health, I could have also put any pregnancy that may have occurred in jeopardy.

So I started researching local doctors and holistic practitioners. I met with an acupuncturist twice a week, visited with a clinical nutritionist and a functional-medicine specialist, a naturopathic doctor, an integrative MD, and a chiropractor.

At my heaviest weight, 221 lbs., February 2011.

I underwent a bevy of tests, and the results were troubling: among the concerns were adrenal fatigue, a pattern of Metabolic Syndrome, or pre-diabetes, and extremely low levels of vitamin D (my number was 16.3; optimal ranges of nanograms per milliliter are 50 to 70, and inadequate levels have been linked to cancer, heart disease, osteoporosis, asthma, Alzheimer’s disease, and even the common cold and influenza — no surprise, then, that I suffered a bad cold nearly every month). I also had high CRP levels, at 9.13, indicating chronic inflammation, which makes it difficult to lose weight and puts my cardiovascular system at risk. I was low on iron and magnesium, dehydrated, and had high white-blood-cell counts, indicating an infection, which was later found to be caused by both a bacterial infection and a parasite called Entamoeba. I wasn’t just overweight and missing my periods, I was on a treacherous path to severe health complications. My stress levels were still elevated, I had put on more weight, hitting a high of 221, and I felt overwhelmed by all the work I needed to do to get better. When the team at Experience Lifeasked me to come aboard full-time, I shut down my LLC and shifted my focus to the world of health, learning all I could for the magazine as well as for myself.

Me on a Florida beach, March 2011.

As scary as my findings were, they also served as an important push to help me readjust my priorities. I changed my diet dramatically, started working out with a personal trainer, joined a workout group, and have been actively managing my stress — ever aware of my struggles with work-life balance.

In AA, they say that recovery happens when someone hits rock bottom. Perhaps this culmination of health problems was my rock bottom. But gosh, there are so many moments, say, when I’m at Boot Camp in round six of the eighth bout of the circuit, pushing through a (semi) atomic push-up, that I wished I would’ve listen to those signs earlier and made a change. That I wouldn’t have let myself get so out of shape. That I would’ve eaten more salads instead of French fries. I didn’t listen to those signs, and I didn’t correct my path, but I’m on the right road now. And I’ll always do my best to heed those warnings in the future.

After the Storm, the Rainbow

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / June 6, 2012

“Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.” —Lord Byron

This rainbow appeared after an afternoon storm. It was vibrant and lovely — a treat after a long day of work indoors.

8-Minute Kettlebell Workout

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / February 21, 2012

My favorite (and most often used) excuse for not working out: I don’t have time. I’m just too busy.

I’m too busy for my body, for my health? Maybe I don’t allow myself to think of it that way, hence why I skip a workout here and there, but this is essentially the excuse I’m making. And when I do reconsider my rationalization for “too busy,” I start to think of the things I do that are time-suckers and moments when I could squeeze in activity instead.

For someone always claiming to be “too busy” to workout, kettlebells have offered the perfect solution. It’s a quick twofer: the body gets stronger and the heart beats faster. Kettlebells are also great for coordination and balance, and burn mega calories, if you are keeping track. You’ve probably read all the reasons why a kettlebell workout is so great already, so I won’t go on about the benefits. If you want a fast, kick-butt kettlebell workout, try girevoy, which we feature in our March 2012 Workout department.

What do you do when you don’t have 10-minutes? How about a full-body workout in eight minutes? Just eight minutes! Try this routine from this week’s Team Kettlebells workout, developed by RKC and KBA certified Jen Sinkler, senior fitness editor at Experience Life and author of Survival of the Fittest:

Kettlebell Snatches, One Arm, 40 seconds. With hips back, swing the kettlebell so you are lifting it nearly straight up overhead. It felt kind of like a swing and a push press combined. When the kettlebell feels weightless, flip it over so you guide it to the outside of your wrist. (The move kind of looks like this, seen in the first 10 seconds of the video, only with one kettlebell/arm.) Start with your weaker side (whichever isn’t your dominant hand). Rest for 20 seconds.
Kettlebell Snatches, Alternate Arm, 40 seconds. Repeat the same movement with the other arm. Rest for 20 seconds.
Goblet Squat, 40 seconds. Use a heavier kettlebell if you have it for this move. (At home, I keep a 10-pound kettlebell and 25-pound kettlebell that my mom bought me in our den for on-the-fly workouts.) Grab the kettlebell by the handles and lift to chest height in a rack position (you can also flip it over so the bell is upright like in this demo video), then squat (whatever depth feels good — no need to dip below the knees if that doesn’t feel comfortable) and stand back up. Repeat until time. Rest for 20 seconds.
Mountain Climbers, 40 seconds. This is the move I do in T.E.A.M. Boot Camp that both challenges me and makes me giggle. Partially because I’m thinking about how I look and partially because it feels kind of fun. It’s also the move that I’ve demonstrated to two different friends, once in a parking lot and once in a coffee shop. Yes, it’s a conditioning move that you may randomly find yourself doing in public. (It could become the next flash mob: flash mountain climbers.) How to do it: Squat down, place your hands on the ground, then kick your legs back — first one and then the other — straight behind you, alternating legs. Keep your butt down and make the movement quick-paced. Rest for 20 seconds, then repeat from the top for your 8-minute workout.

A note on kettlebell snatches from Jen: You want to be in charge of the kettlebell when you flip it to the outside of your wrist so it doesn’t smack against your arm. If you are bruising, you can buy wristbands, but don’t let them compromise your form (don’t let the cushioning allow you to lose control of the KB). You can find inexpensive terrycloth wristbands at sporting-goods stores or Target, or if you’re big time, check out KettleGuards.

Next time you’re faced with a day that leaves little time, add this workout to the mix. Maybe you’ll even find you have time for more rounds — or a repeat performance later in the day.

Team Kettlebells

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / February 7, 2012

As I’ve been working hard to lose weight, I’ve found a great support system in my teammates at Experience Life magazine. My co-workers have a wealth of knowledge and have either lost weight themselves or are maintaining weight loss, or are generally eating healthy, trying different detox methods (for the body and mind), or are working to improve their strength and fitness.

Several of my co-workers are registered yoga teachers. One competes in long-distance cross-country skiing competitions (always my go-to guy for tips on outdoor winter gear). One is big into rock climbing. A few are avid bikers. And our senior fitness editor and author of Survival of the Fittest, Jen Sinkler, is a certified kettlebell instructor (RKC and KBA), senior-level USA Weightlifting coach, CrossFit Level 1, and L.I.F.T. certified through Ultimate Sandbag.

Every week, our team gets together to do a kettlebell circuit designed by Jen. This circuit gets your heart pumping and builds strength. You can also modify it based on your level of fitness (or if you forgot your workout clothes and are wearing stockings). Two rounds are about 10 minutes; work your way up to four rounds if you have the time. You can also grab heavier kettlebells as you get stronger.

Alternating Walking Press, 45 seconds. Hold two 15-pound kettlebells at shoulder height with wrists straight. Press the right kettlebell up, lower, and then press the left kettlebell straight up. If the kettlebells feel heavy, use a push press (squat a bit and use your legs to help) to raise the kettlebells overhead. Rest for 20 seconds.
Row, 45 seconds. Bend at the hips and place your free arm on your thigh. Using your left arm, pull a 15- to 25-pound kettlebell up — bend your elbow and squeeze your shoulders as you row. Keep your gaze in front of you on the floor so your neck remains neutral. The back can often handle more weight than the shoulders, so you can use a heavier kettlebell. On round two, use your right arm to row. Rest for 20 seconds.
Jumping Lunges, 45 seconds. Lunge backward and jump straight up as you switch legs; lunge on the other legs; jump to switch again and keep a fast pace as you continue to switch legs. You can also perform regular lunges here to decrease the intensity. Stepping back vs. forward on lunges is often easier on the knees. Rest for 20 seconds.
Waiter Carry, 45 seconds. Press a 15-pound kettlebell straight up with your left arm, keep your core tight and walk around the room. Make sure you don’t lean to one side! On round two, carry the kettlebell on your right side. Rest for 20 seconds.

Repeat the circuit after your 20-second rest. Once complete, you should appear as happy as this:

Here I am doing Alternating Walking Presses with 15-pound kettlebells.

The Purpose of Project Me

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / January 11, 2012

For those of you new to reading my blog, welcome! In some ways, I feel a little new to it myself. I began writing the Coming Clean blog in April 2010 after I started working as a freelance fact-checker for Experience Life. At the time, I was running my own copyediting company, Mixed Bag Media, and proofreading copy for eight different magazines. I had also, unfortunately, put on 65 pounds, exhausted my body so that I was sick once a month, and prioritized work over my relationships with my family and husband. I was pretty miserable — and I take full responsibility for the poor choices I made.

I saw the blog as a way to document my path to better health. Everything I was learning through fact-checking and reading Experience Life was fascinating and completely foreign to me. I thought of weight loss as counting points or calories obsessively or eating “diet food,” and running on a treadmill or some type of hated exercise for an hour or more each day. I thought it was all about calories in and calories out, discipline, restriction, and a bit of emotional abuse. With my weight gain, I thought I was lazy and stupid, I did this to myself, and no matter how I excelled in my career or however pretty I felt at an event, I’d still feel fat, and would assume that’s all others saw as well.

I wanted to right my wrongs, lose weight and have more energy, all while sharing what I learned along the way. But my updates were sporadic, then eventually absent after last May when my grandmother passed away. By the fall, when our dogs, “our girls,” could no longer coexist and we had to find a new home for our basenji, I was pretty depressed. I was working out and doing my best to stay focused on my meal plan and the big picture of improving my health, but I’m not sure if my heart was completely in it.

I know it frustrated my trainer, even if he didn’t admit it, and I’m positive that it frustrated my life coach, Lauren Zander of the Handel Group, well, because she said it. She’s a New Yorker, after all. No beating around the bush. You make these goals but you’re not following through, why? Our conversation would go. And, I need you tell me why you want all this drama in your life. And the more I thought about it, I realized there was so much I needed to understand in my mind. Because this “on a diet” and “off a diet” was simply drama that I created. Would I lose weight or wouldn’t I? It wasn’t about calories and treadmills as much as it was about my commitment — and more than that, my love for my body. And I haven’t been very loving.

So this blog doesn’t really have a category. It’s not a fitness blog, specifically, or a nutrition blog or weight-loss blog. Similar to Experience Life itself, this blog is whole body, whole life, whole mind. Because, even if weight loss is my first goal, it’s so much more than just the weight — and it’s never just about the weight. It’s about my priorities, my work-life balance, my relationships, my home, my clutter, my pets, my vision, my purpose. It’s personal, yes, but I hope it resonates with you, whether you are struggling to get healthy or if you feel you are there and need a friendly reminder of why you continue to make healthy choices every day. I appreciate your support and feedback, good or bad, and hope to start a dialogue in the comments section or via email, Facebook or Twitter.

When we re-branded the magazine in September 2010 and published Pilar Gerasimo’s enlightening essay, “Being Healthy Is a Revolutionary Act” in January 2011, I really felt like our mission was speaking directly to me. It’s about a practice, about making those healthy choices every day even when it’s difficult because of location or busyness or because you’d rather just give in to all those endless excuses you can make.

But it’s so much easier with support, and by finding a community of like-minded individuals that keep you focused, and in the end, keep you happy. So I’m glad you found ours.

Take Care

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / May 17, 2011

This month has been all about managing my emotional health. After my grandmother passed away two weeks ago, I’ve been doing my best to be present and allow myself to experience my feelings. Historically, whenever I’ve been challenged with anything too real or too upsetting, I’ve immersed myself in work as a distraction. The busier I become, the less time I have to address my sadness, and thus I stuff it into the back crevices of my mind, neglecting it consciously for as long as possible. That is, say, until I lash out randomly at someone who cuts me off at the supermarket. “Sorry that I reacted so poorly when you grabbed the last jar of pesto. It’s not you, and it’s not that I love pesto that intensely, I’m just struggling with residual grief from a loved one’s death that I thought I could avoid.” The apology wouldn’t really make sense to a stranger. Or maybe it would. I suspect that many of us would rather move on than mourn.

So I’ve been journaling and meditating and looking through old photos of Grandma and me. The memories make me smile, and sometimes cry, but both reactions are okay because they are real. Although I’ve always been good at practicing self-care (I’m a champion napper), I’m finally allowing myself to really enjoy it and find ways to do it well. These three self-care regimens have been helping me the most right now.

Acupuncture
I’ve been going to see Tómas at Three Treasures Community Acupuncture for a little over a year now. There’s much more I can (and will, at a later time) say about this experience, but simply reclining in a Barcalounger, listening to the sounds of woodwinds and birds chirping, with several little needles inserted into my skin at just the right spots has revolutionized the way I relax. It calms me, and somehow seems to make me feel more aware throughout my day. Acupuncture has also helped my sleep, which has long been erratic. But the moment of transformation for me, when the world went from black-and-white to color, if you will, came last summer as a storm was rolling in. I had dozed off in the late afternoon heat, and awoke to Deva Premal on the stereo, her ethereal voice literally lifting my spirit from a deep sleep. The clouds had become dark and foreboding, yet I felt totally at peace, so much so that I was moved to tears. It was a great moment of healing for me. I’ve been going every week ever since.

Yoga
I wish I could say I go to yoga every week as well, but I’m a sporadic practitioner (or sampler, then?). But I have found an instructor at Life Time Fitness‘s Highland Park location that I adore: Aleeah S. I felt so limber after my first class with her, and nurtured as a first-timer, that I had to go back. It took me a few weeks to make the time in my schedule, but I attended another class on April 30. I had received the call the night before that Grandma was slipping away, so I was especially tender. Aleeah had a sub for that class, but this woman shared her soothing and supportive manner. We were on our backs in savasana at the end of the class, breathing deeply and slowly, and our instructor guided us through our meditation: “Imagine your bodies weightless, hovering above the ground, as your lungs fill your body with life, and you rise to meet the clouds we will all meet eventually.” It was a little close to home, so you can imagine my response. However, after all the poses and the strength I felt in my body from the one-hour session, I felt pride in my heart. I didn’t feel sadness, I felt illuminated. So much so that I was moved to tears. Again. Clearly I register “tears” as the marker of a successful self-care activity.

Travel

Image via Wikipedia

After Phoenix, Kyle and I drove up to Duluth, Minn., for some R&R. We spent these past few days walking around Canal Park, sitting and talking by the shore, and eating tasty organic food at Amazing Grace Bakery & Café. The trip had been planned for months, before I needed to travel to Arizona, but I was glad to have a few more days off to reflect before transitioning back into work mode. The beauty and pace of life on the North Shore is always so pleasing to my soul, and as often as I’ve been, I never tire of the rocky beaches, the tangle of ancient trees and the seemingly endless span of Lake Superior. As a child, I first came to Duluth with my parents and brother for a camping trip. One of my favorite views is from Interstate 35 as you drive over a hill and descend into the city, the tops of the buildings dotting the valley below. My dad would exclaim then (and throughout the trip), “Too much!” as the awesomeness of the sites practically overwhelmed him. Kyle and I would later find our way back there for camping in Gooseberry State Park, and then returning after a year on a surprise trip that Kyle arranged so he could propose. The area holds all sorts of good memories for me, but the history of the city itself and the wilderness of its nearby parks draw me like a magnetic force from the Twin Cities. Must. Go. To Duluth. I can’t fight the pull. It’s become an almost annual summer trip, and a highlight of the season.

It’s those places and activities that allow me to slow down, quiet the mind and decompress from a busy life that really make me stronger. And here I thought it was just those 45-pound kettlebell swings.

Mother Love

By Courtney Opdahl (@clewisopdahl) / May 14, 2011

This Mother’s Day was particularly difficult for my family: The matriarch of the Lewis family, Isabel, passed away on May 1. She was 81 years old.

Although my grandmother had been sick (she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in 2008), she had been doing somewhat well long after her doctor’s prognosis. He gave her six months to a year to live, and yet, nearly three years later, she was only now leaving us. It really was a testament to her spirit that she proved him wrong.

When I visited with my grandparents in Phoenix in January 2010, Grandma was still driving a car. She took me to her church in Sun City West, introduced me to her friends and showed me her final resting place in a meditative garden between the chapel and the reception hall. She shared with me her wish to be cremated and placed in a wall where we could visit, and asked that I understand why her and my grandfather chose this location versus the cemetery where my two aunts are buried in Richfield, Minn. My grandparents’ place of worship, Desert Garden Church, had become home to them, and they found support in the community there. She told me that although her body wouldn’t be placed somewhere I could easily visit, her spirit would always be with me. It was an important conversation for us to have, and I only realized its true value recently. She wasn’t just showing me this place, she was sharing with me the gift of acceptance and peace.

Along with her choosing a location in the open columbarium, Grandma had also written all of her own obituaries — six in total, each one a little different for various publications (placed in the Arizona, Minneapolis and Ohio papers, as well as announcements for her church, her alumni magazine, and her “active seniors” community newsletter). In the week following her death, I worked with my father and aunt and uncles to copy edit the obituaries, and each time I was struck at all of her accomplishments. She truly had a full life, full of children and friends and work and travel. Both her and my grandfather were college graduates — my grandmother attended their alma mater, Miami University in Ohio, as a high school junior — and were active citizens in the black community when they moved to Minneapolis, fighting discrimination laws that kept them out of the neighborhoods with better school systems for their children. When Barack Obama was elected president, my grandma sent a letter to the family saying how proud she was to see this in her lifetime: As an infant, she sat on the lap of her great-grandfather, a former slave who fought in the Civil War as a free man, and now she was watching our first black president take the oath of office. What change she had seen in her years! I can’t imagine it, but can only hope my generation achieves such great advancements.

When I arrived in Peoria for the services, where I would join the members of my extended family, I read through a notebook Grandma kept with her obituaries and wishes. She listed several pages of friends to contact upon her death, with phone numbers and the order in which to call. In her obituaries, she left notes after the grandchildren’s names — “if Jamie is married when I pass, please update her last name” — and instructions for the program format. Paging through it, I found great comfort in knowing she was planning this, and, like our conversation in the reflective garden where the inurnment would take place, she wanted us to know she had made peace with the fact that she was dying. She had a big love and deep appreciation for life and all the people in her world that made it wonderful, and it almost seemed as if writing her wishes gave her closure. It was, as my uncle said at her service, her final loving act: to make sure her children and grandchildren would have guidance and strength to make it through our grieving.

My cousin Larry, who we’ve always called Paco, and I spoke on behalf of the grandchildren. I drafted what I’d say — I even timed my speech so it wouldn’t be too long (like Grandma, I’m both a planner and can be a bit verbose) — but I don’t even know what came out of my mouth. It was a bit of a blur. I do remember, though, Paco’s comments on Grandma’s strength, and how impressed he was with her eternal optimism in the face of so many great challenges. When she was told she was going to die, she didn’t wallow, she made her final plans and she cherished every minute she had. And I believe it was for this and her lifelong fortitude that she was granted extra time, enough so that one of her last visits was with her seventh great-grandchild, Isabel Delphine.

She really was a woman to admire. I can only hope for so much grace. I was blessed to have so many years in her presence. My memories of her — her thoughtfulness, generosity and enthusiasm for life — will serve as navigation for me in the greatness I hope to achieve. And that peace that I understood from her in the end, one that seemed to come from a life well lived, can only start with today.

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